GOALS

Today at work i decided that it would be a good idea to start drinking myself to death. I'm not really sure how i will go about slowly poisoning my liver until it turns all calcified and hurts whenever i move. I was thinking maybe i could go the traditional route of PBR 12oz cans, start out slow with like 6 a night for the first few weeks. That would be a good start in my opinion, not too much which could cause a shock to my system and prematurely kill me and who wants that,( isnt the whole point of alcoholism to die a slow and meaningless-painful death, der..) Just so we are clear im not going for the one night fifth of JD to the dome in 30mins binge drinking aspirate on my own vomit alcoholism, im striving to be that yellow skinned 50 year old that looks 70 on the eve a major stoke/coronary. I am already 27 and i know that most aspiring drunks get crackin during their more youthful years, but i am dedicated to the cause and i feel confident that i can accomplish this goal.