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Personal Lubricant Fail

IAmTheLiquor

Shared on Mon, 05/31/2010 - 16:49

 

Anyone have any ideas on how to get multiple lube stains out of a microfibre couch??

 

I just had my couch completely cleaned on Friday. It was looking great, all stains from the kids were gone. Then on Sunday during a late night love making session with my wife things got a little out of hand. I don't know what I was thinking but I must have went ballistic on the lube because this morning the couch looked seriously messed up. I hope I can get the lube stains out cause quite frankly explaining the stains to people who come over may be a little embarrasing.

Moral of the story, lube is no joke. Use it sparingly.

Comments

LtBlarg's picture
Submitted by LtBlarg on Mon, 05/31/2010 - 17:05
Lube? Who needs lube?
wamam87's picture
Submitted by wamam87 on Mon, 05/31/2010 - 17:15
OMFG! that's too funny. i had a similar situation years ago, but fortunately, it wasn't my couch or my wife for that matter. LOL (no, it wasn't anyone elses wife either...and no, i wasn't married at the time) sorry, no help here.
Durty's picture
Submitted by Durty on Mon, 05/31/2010 - 17:38
Ick...I hate lube. Try Resolve Carpet Cleaner with a brush....that gets everything out of microfiber.
doodirock's picture
Submitted by doodirock on Mon, 05/31/2010 - 17:42
best blog post ever
Lbsutke's picture
Submitted by Lbsutke on Mon, 05/31/2010 - 17:49
wtf dude. You should have just split the bearded clam with your meat missile after priming the pump... Epic fail..
J-Cat's picture
Submitted by J-Cat on Mon, 05/31/2010 - 18:09
hmmm.... I am assuming water based lubricant? Was it coloured or did it have flavourings. Cause if so: I imagine that hte dyes/flavourings may cause staining. What happens if you get your couch wet with water? Does it stain or cause markings? Cause if not, I would try water and blotting first. Water based lube = water dissolvable = use water to get out stain.
Armorsmith76's picture
Submitted by Armorsmith76 on Mon, 05/31/2010 - 20:54
AWESOME blog title! My advice for next time..... Use spit, the original water based lubricant. Second of all, I think your wife may disagree with the idea of using lubricant sparingly. Thanks for making my day. =)
Caesar's picture
Submitted by Caesar on Mon, 05/31/2010 - 21:21
omg bunny, i just shat myself
TANK's picture
Submitted by TANK on Mon, 05/31/2010 - 21:56
just flip the cushions, easy.
slowthumbs's picture
Submitted by slowthumbs on Mon, 05/31/2010 - 22:21
what were you lubing up? sheesh. don't tell me... only so many things one can lube up in that general area. TMI. if it is a microfiber couch, you a pretty much screwed...oh wait. that is how you GOT in this situation. bottom line... (WAY too many puns in this situation) not getting that out.... only option is TANK's. flip the cushions.
R0kst4r's picture
Submitted by R0kst4r on Tue, 06/01/2010 - 00:15
.................................LMAO GOOD JOB!!!!
IAmTheLiquor's picture
Submitted by IAmTheLiquor on Tue, 06/01/2010 - 00:44
I usually use spit but I decided to step it up and try something a little classier.....Lube. Flipping the cushions is not an option as the lube dripped down the front of the cushion. Flipping it would expose the zipper. I tried washing them in the washing machine today and it looks a little better. Still, the memories are visible.
BlowMonkey's picture
Submitted by BlowMonkey on Tue, 06/01/2010 - 04:43
I'm all jacked up and ready to take a run at your couch.
williamadamsesq's picture
Submitted by williamadamsesq on Tue, 06/01/2010 - 05:34
Ask your mom what she uses
Walladog's picture
Submitted by Walladog on Tue, 06/01/2010 - 07:36
F T W! Wear your stains proudly my friend.
Armada99's picture
Submitted by Armada99 on Tue, 06/01/2010 - 08:12
On a serious note, Swiss Navy lubes are the shit. The ol' lady and I use that stuff. A little more serious note, Spot Shot carpet/upholstery cleaner is the BOMB! On a joking note, you have 2 kids, tell company that the kids spilled milk or something. They wont think a thing about it.
J-Cat's picture
Submitted by J-Cat on Tue, 06/01/2010 - 08:25
Ewww.... spit... okay... can we have the "spit as lube debate?" What exactly are you guys talking about? Oral sex = Happy Lady. But I know if my man stops to go on to other things... well.... that ain't happenin... But I saw porn once where the guy actually spit up the woman's hooha. I almost barfed. So... when you guys say "spit" do you mean saliva, or the act of actually spitting?
Claude505's picture
Submitted by Claude505 on Tue, 06/01/2010 - 08:49
FTW! Nice blog Bunny. Good luck with the couch.
Double T's picture
Submitted by Double T on Thu, 06/03/2010 - 11:31
That's why you have a good side, and a dirty side, for couch cushions LOL I have no idea, but since it's petroleum based, you need something that'll remove oil. Using KY at work (I'm a nurse) I don't think the KY stains ever have fully come out of scrubs :( Good luck though.
Dixon_Tufar's picture
Submitted by Dixon_Tufar on Tue, 06/01/2010 - 09:06
Yes, J-Cat. Actual human spit. It's cheap and works in a pinch. With that bring said, yeah, if it's water-based, just some water should thin it out and get rid of it. Silicon-based? You may have to call the lubricant's manufacturer to see what they recommend. I'd HATE to be the person answering calls on that hotline.
Armorsmith76's picture
Submitted by Armorsmith76 on Tue, 06/01/2010 - 09:23
J-Cat Speaking for myself, I mean saliva, (not a lung cookie) either directly applied by mouth or by fingers to the target area of interest. I think it would be a mood killer for the wife if I just hocked one into her from arms length. I think a more interesting (read disturbing) discussion would be about kissing significant others after oral sex, I'm betting more women are OK with it than men, but that the number is still low. This is now the second time this blog has made me laugh out loud.
Armorsmith76's picture
Submitted by Armorsmith76 on Tue, 06/01/2010 - 09:30
Dixon I'd LOVE to be the one taking those calls. Can you imagine the stories you would hear? It would be stuff like this all the time. I'd spend the whole damn day laughing. (of course I also think working in a sex shop WITHOUT VIEWING ROOMS would be fun too) Watching/dealing with people in those situations would be too funny.
FadeIntoBlack's picture
Submitted by FadeIntoBlack on Tue, 06/01/2010 - 10:01
AAAAAANNNNNAAAAALLLLLL.... Admit it Bunny...she was giving you the 10" prostate massage huh? Sometimes there just isn't enough time to get the "works" going on the missus and sometimes she just wants to get down to business also. In those cases a little surreptitious saliva swipe is all you need. P.S. Next time go leather. Everything comes out of leather.
Snuphy's picture
Submitted by Snuphy on Tue, 06/01/2010 - 10:13
Just keep decorating until the splatter marks look like an intended fabric design. Or give the sofa to your inlaws for father's day. Or both. BTW, we do have baby spit up stains in our house that look a lot like luv marks. We cover one of those chairs with a decorative blanket.
GUL74's picture
Submitted by GUL74 on Tue, 06/01/2010 - 10:26
Shaving cream and a soft brush should help..
Arvind's picture
Submitted by Arvind on Tue, 06/01/2010 - 10:34
The only safe thing to do now is to demand five or six more identical sessions, then claim that it's actually a fabric pattern.
IAmTheLiquor's picture
Submitted by IAmTheLiquor on Tue, 06/01/2010 - 11:27
I have been a huge fan of using spit as lube since I was about 16. I have never once seen a women object to me gobbing on my cock before thrusting it in. Any lube is better than no lube.
Snuphy's picture
Submitted by Snuphy on Tue, 06/01/2010 - 12:02
. . . and they say chivalry is dead . . . .
DEEP_NNN's picture
Submitted by DEEP_NNN on Tue, 06/01/2010 - 12:36
Whoa, too much information! Runs away. LOL
pooslza's picture
Submitted by pooslza on Tue, 06/01/2010 - 16:23
Gobbing, nice.
Buzz's picture
Submitted by Buzz on Wed, 06/02/2010 - 01:21
Now I know why Grandma always had those plastic covers on the furniture.

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