Okay, we all know fruit ninjas are just fruit flies.

I wish Chobani had a General Chang’s Chicken flavored yogurt, where’s my savory breakfast Chinese fusion?

Times when you know you should run like mad:

1. 1. Um cloudy with a chance of meatballs…duh?
2. 2. You go over to your co-workers house and there are a lot I mean a lot of small ceramic statues of clowns, I mean like everywhere…they are in the bathroom, the bed room, in the oven, in the freezer, on the mantle, in the mantel…
3. 3. Follow your nose, wherever it goes, especially when you’re on PCP
4. 4. A bus
5. 5. Twinkies are back bitches, remember: “The Stuff”, yeah I know its stuff like that that makes us go down a notch on the evolutionary ladder.

If I were punctuation, I would be a semi colon, no it’s not because I have no muscle tone in my sphincter, it’s not because I have the moral fortitude of an isolate male locked in the basement of a Super Center Wal-Mart for thirty years living off Hungry Man XXL dinners cooked on the heat of a 19^th century exhaust fan built by the original labor movement who peeps at families loading up on the by-products of puffed corn, fermented soy beans and grain alcohol…the reason is that I’m a cross dressing Kuala Bear Unicorn.  Sorry I’m a 13^th level in-bread cross dressing Kuala Bear Unicorn specializing in Finance and Free Market Economic Theory who buys goods and services with checks number less than 300.