I like Coke and Diet Pepsi, but I don’t like Pepsi or Diet Coke.

Its Friday somewhere, really shouldn’t be some when?

If the product is free, what are the costs of production and the equipment? I mean just like there is no such thing as a free lunch, there is no such thing as free milk.

If it’s all been done, then I am more than happy to keep on regurgitating all this crap over and over again.  Everyone else is fine with it? Do I purposefully think and do things that are already done? No, I’m completely natural, my action and thoughts are like a pristine glacial lake untouched by man and industry for the last million odd years, isolated from humanity, an oubliette, the center of an untouched wooden block lying in the back of your garage underneath two pounds of newspaper from the 1960’s.

I am pure and uncut, if you saw me in person you’d overdose, only through the confines of the internet can you glean my presence from the reflections of my words.  Children, pregnant women and people with heart conditions are strongly cautioned to wear ear plugs and sun glasses when in my presence.  Old men should wear hats to protect them from my overactive male pattern baldness and wear lead shielding around their testicles so my power doesn’t whip them into an unnatural virulent frenzy of sexual prowess.

I tear down egos and pump up the Id. I am tyrannosaurs with the body of a brontosaurus and the brain of a falcon. Don’t get caught in my tangled web of megalomania and crude body humor, it takes a strong man to break free of the laugh spasms that I will obliterate your diaphragm with. No abs of steel, no hope of survival.  Santa may have a belly like a bowl full of jelly, my belly shakes like a bowl of lumpy hairy oatmeal.  It can turn men from hard core soldiers into weeping children, as they stare at my belly of despair, who knows what has disappear into it never to exit again.

Yes friends, it’s hot here. It’s hotter than a handshake.

I don’t care; I won’t eat cotton candy foie gras.