what a weekend

it was such a fantastic weekend, only to return to work and have everything fall appart. I have been rejected for all 4 of the jobs in my last blog. missing out on job #1 hurt more than I could have expected. The hardest part being that they made a decission before the interviews even started. My arch nemesis has yet again pulled rank and denied me an interview. On the bright side, the person they are picking can in no way handle the job, so in about 4 months I'll have another crack at it.

After 9 days off work, I felt so refreshed, renewed, ready to take on the world, now, I just don't want to feel anything. Granted, I had an idea that this was going to happen. I was preparing myself for it, working so close to my wife would always cause someone to be suspicious.... I guess I still held onto too much hope that it wouldn't go this way. Once again, I feel defeated, this time more than any other. Part of me wants to just stop hoping, another part of me wants to just stop trying.

it doesn't help that Christmas is just around the corner. I really don't care for this time of year and Christmas as a whole puts me in a sour mood. There is nothing like a day of people throwing around as much money as they can to help reinforce my self loathing for taking a voluntairy demotion and significant pay cut into this bottomless pit of a job.

if only I could have the short days of winter (oh the lovely darkness) without having to deal with the holidays.

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