Rejection as a standard

Yes, I have been denied again and again.  After a stretch of being offered every job I applied for, I have entered what I can only call a slump….0 for 27. I heard about one position that had me as one of their top picks, but ended up going with option #2 (not me), but for some reason this last one hurt me more than any in the past. It doesn’t surprise me, it was just a position that I really wanted to get.   Now I have been having a gradual improvement of mood outside of work, but as soon as I walk through those office doors, I die inside.  I sit here clutching my burning (freshly brewed, then microwaved to a boiling state) hot coffee mug just trying to feel something.  I see the people who are getting promoted, all either women over the age of 45, or men my age, but taller, actually good looking, and generally useless when it comes to actually doing work. Most have a bare minimum of college, less than 2 years experience, (most spent trying to get laid by one of the younger secretaries).   I feel broken, useless despite my continued top production levels. 

So I sit here, listening to The Decemberists, taking stock of my work related accomplishments trying to figure out what I am doing wrong and it all points to one person.  A person who stays locked in her office all day long refusing to see anyone, but she controls everyone with any authority (mainly because she is the one who go them where they are). Every shot of scotch/whiskey/vodka I take anymore has me thinking of her and how badly I want to forget that she exists, forget that I have to go to work the next day, forget what this place does to me. 

 

I don’t even care about finding my dream job anymore, I just want to do a job where I don’t hate myself every day or feel like throwing up every time I think about work.

 

I have found one benefit of this frustration, my groupings at the range have never been better. Yesterday (excluding the 3 outliers), I had 14 rounds in a 2 inch group at 20yards with my Taurus 24/7 Pro 9mm.

 

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