LB Dumbass Chronicles Continued

Chronicles of a Dumbass Part 2:

 

So this event took place almost 3 years ago. I was leaving work for the day, kind of in a hurry to get to something…now let me set the scene…

 

The side parking lot is lined with Eucalyptus trees and they had just been trimmed down the day before…here is a picfor your visualization…

 

I had pulled into the parking stall head first, without any issues…Now back to the main part of our story…

 

As I am walking to my truck, I am fumbling in my backpack for my cell phone and my keys, I pull out my cell phone with my left hand, and get my keys in my right hand all while still walking to my truck…

 

I look down at my phone, flipping it open…Then suddenly my left ankle rolls, big time!! Fuck that hurts!!!! Then I instinctually try to put all my weight on my right foot to relieve the immense pain I am feeling, well I am wearing dressy shoes with the sole that comes out a little wider than the shoe….I manage to catch the lip of the sole funny and all of a sudden I role very badly on my right ankle…OOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWEEEE the hurts even worse…So now both my ankles feel like they are in an Ankle lock by some professional MMA/UFC wrestler and my momentum is carry me forward towards my truck, and I cannot catch my balance because 1) I have the gravitational pull of a moon and 2) all my momentum is going forward and down…

 

So…all at the same time, keep in mind I am a few feet from my truck…I fall to the ground, hitting my drivers side door with my right shoulder/head, slam my left hand down on the ground with my cell phone, slamming both knees on the pavement, and my right hand down on the ground with my keys in it.

 

I hit my truck so hard, that it actually shakes and I put a dent in the side of my truck the approximate size of a basketball and as deep as my fist, I crush my cell phone like the Hulk on a “Hulk Smash Rampage”, I tear two holes (one in each knee) of my pants and have now started to bleed from my knees, and put a small hole in my right hand from my keys piercing my hand…

 

So I immediately look around to see if anyone some this amazing display of grace, (luckily no) and I look up to the corner of the building to check to see the position of the security cam….yep…you guess it…It is pointed right at me…fuck…I bet they are rofltmfho…I can see this video hitting the web or America’s funnies home videos or some damn thing like that…I sit there in pain from 5 different locations for a few minutes to let the initial wave of pain to go away…I look to see how the hell I roled my ankle, then I see it, a piece of tree trimming from the tree…I must have stepped on it while I was looking down at my phone…Idiot!!!!! I then manage to open my truck door, pull myself up into the cab of my truck, put in the key to the ignition and get my dumbass clumsy self home.

 

Well after two days, of not being able to walk (yes I rolled my ankles that bad), I go and check out my truck door…how the hell am I going to fix that dent…Well I remember either seeing something similar on a car show or someone told me what they did…

 

I got our toilet plunger, watered down the side of my truck door, and attached the ghetto dent removal tool…and pulled…nothing…Damn it!!! So I try it a couple of more times being somewhat careful…and nothing. Well I am going to give it one more try but I am going to pull as fast as I can…3…2…1…wham!!! The loudest sound scared the crap out of me…I thought I pulled to hard and maybe pulled the sheet metal out to far…I pull off the plunger, and wouldn’t you know it…IT WORKED!!!!! I could not believe it, all that was left were two small dents that looked like door dings…I could live with that…

 

To this day I am waiting for that video to show up on freaking you tube or something…