The boys look at the recent DLC release from the likes of Disney and Nickelodeon for Rock Band, which has inspired vitriol unlike any other track pack. Is the hate is worth the heartburn? Is NoGame's lack of imagination in regard to music getting the better of him or has Big0ne’s inner Fembot grown too strong to resist the urge to sing along with Hanna Montana?
Disney - The Death of Rock
Let’s get something straight. The name of game is Rock Band. It's not I-want-to-sing-like-Vanessa Hudgens, I-want-to-play-guitar-like-the-Jonas Brothers or Let's-rock-out-to-some Barney songs, it's Rock Band.
The teeny bopper music recently released as downloadable content from the Nickelodeon channel is neither rock nor bands (they might have band in their name but it still doesn’t count). So how in the hell did they come to be part of a game that is supposed to be about good ole fashioned Rock ‘n’ Roll?
Ever since the first Guitar Hero came out on PS2 in 2005 we have been serenaded by some of the greatest singers, drummers, and guitarists that have ever graced a stage. Legions of fans have flocked to the stores to purchase the latest and greatest versions, jumped online and spent their paycheck to download their favorite band's newest or greatest hit. Said “Rockers” spend weeks of their lives attempting to perfect what to a normal person looks ridiculous. It might all soon come to an end.
For four years we’ve had our own special corner of the gaming world where we could live out our dreams of being a famous rock star, if only for a minute. There has been a ton of great music to play in order for us to “geek” out with our plastic axes, drums, and microphones, but now that some smarty pants entertainment executives have taken notice, the genre is being invaded by cookie cutter pop.
This gruesome chain of events was set in motion when The Naked Brothers Band “Break my heart” and “I don't want to go to school”, and Miranda Cosgrove “Headphones on” showed up as part of weekly download track pack along with Tokio Hotel (guess which one is the girl - Ha they're all guys fooled you) on November 28, 2008. The Naked Brothers Band earned their pop star status as a ridiculous…ah shit I don’t care here’s the wiki for them and Miranda Cosgrove.
As if these puke-inducing teen idols weren’t bad enough by themselves, the marketing team over at Nickelodeon has even gone so far as to partner with Rock Band 2 to release two songs by Nolan Gerard to promote their latest TV movie Spectacular! Don’t these songs belong is games like Lips, Karaoke Revolution, or DDR?
The nature of Rock ‘n’ Roll is loud music, loose women, smoky bars and copious amounts of alcohol. None of these things show up anywhere near any of these songs. Granted, they are music for children or tweens, as people call them today, but they still suck.
If you want to get into a debate about the definition of rock music, well you might have an argument on technicalities, but it wouldn't stand up in court:
"A form of popular music arising from and incorporating a variety of musical styles, especially rhythm and blues, country music, and gospel. Originating in the United States in the 1950s, it is characterized by electronically amplified instrumentation, a heavily accented beat, and relatively simple phrase structure.”
Let's run through the checklist. Do they incorporate a variety of musical styles? Sure they do. I don't think there is a style of music today that doesn't take from another genre. Do they have electronically amplified instrumentation? Yep sure do. Again there aren't too many genres that don't have this these days. Do they have a heavily accented beat? Once again I'm sorry to say the answer is yes, most of the time.
So if you want to get technical you could argue that these songs classify as Rock Music, but you'd have millions of screaming fans knocking down your door if you tried to put them in the same class as: Journey, Styx, Nirvana, Metallica or The Clash. Also if you go by this definition alone then almost all music would be classified as Rock Music, and this is why there are five billion different genres and the Grammy Awards have turned into a circus side show.
The songs have their appeal, don’t get me wrong. It's just to a younger generation. I understand what the executives are trying to do, roping in the kids at a young age so that they are return customers for life, but come on. Isn’t there another way for these kids to be introduced to the music game genre with games like Dance Dance Revolution, Karakoke Revelolution, and Lips.
Please music executive and marketing guys stop spoiling our game with shitty music and put more classic up in the cue. Thanks.
Disney - The Birth of Opportunity
It seems every week that Activision and Harmonix announce the latest DLC packs, there’s some vocal group bemoaning the announcement as if they’ve been personally assaulted by the developers. The outcry went up to an even higher level when the folks at Rock Band announced they were putting out music from Nickelodeon by groups like The Naked Brothers Band and Miranda Cosgrove.
“This is ROCK Band, not teeny bopper band!” was the typical reaction from most. OK maybe I cleaned that up a bit. The real reaction was probably more along the lines of "What the F@#K is this horse sh*T! I hate you Harmonix! DIE DIE DIE!!!" I can hardly argue with the reaction. I was less than enthused over the selection. Eventually though, reason kicked in and I began to applaud Harmonix decision. These songs should be included in the game precisely because this is Rock Band.
So the basic question is….what is Rock? Let’s just use NoGame’s definition.
“A form of popular music arising from and incorporating a variety of musical styles, especially rhythm and blues, country music, and gospel. Originating in the United States in the 1950s, it is characterized by electronically amplified instrumentation, a heavily accented beat, and relatively simple phrase structure.”
So if we look close, Rock can be Popular music, based in Country, Blues and Gospel. Basically, it’s a little bit of everything. You could argue that it must be amplified and have a heavy beat based on the above definition, but what about Acoustic Rock? Metal heads will tell you that their genre is more closely associated to Classical music than Rhythm and Blues. Southern Rock sounds more like modern Country music to me.
So what is Rock? Is Ska rock? Is Death Metal rock? What about Funk, Punk, Emo, Southern, Classic, Alternative, New Wave it goes on and on. I didn’t even mention the Country Packs that have been out recently. And lest we forget, Harmonix chose to include a rap song in each of the Rock Band versions as well. Why should all these other genres be in the game but not The Naked Brothers? Isn’t that just “Pop Rock” or “Teen Rock”?
What it sounds like to me is that NoGame wants a Classic Rock Band game, Cormac wants a Pantera Rock Band Game and NormalGuy wants a Scissor Sisters Rock Band game. Well, I don't think any of those would sell nearly as well as what we have now. Not only that but using the current model of offering a wide variety of music, we get to broaden our own horizons and discover songs we might have never heard before.
There’s another good reason to put this music in the game as well. Sometimes we older gamers tend to look at things through our own macular degenerated eyes and forget that there’s an entire world out there that wasn’t raised on Boston or Judas Priest. Our narrow views of what is or isn’t rock may not mesh with other generation’s views. And guess what? That’s good news for us!
For whatever reasons, (I’m guessing a lack of focus during health class) some of you old bastards went and got some unlucky girl knocked up. Now you’re living with little hellions that I’m guessing share very little interest in dad’s affinity for The Who. Yet for some reason, we continue to want to share our time and hobbies with these future Timmies. Well, getting your own mini-me on to play through the Motley Crue Pack may be easy for some, but for others that may be a tough sell. Bringing in music that your kids might actually have an interest in playing may be a just the catalyst needed to start sharing your interest in music and video games with your kids.
So don't hate on Disney or Nickelodeon. Embrace it. Remember that once upon a time your favorite song was Wheels on the Bus. (I'm sorry, but that is incorrect. -- Ed.)
This week in Downloadable Content:
Rock Band
Jimmy Eat World 3 Song Pack
"Futures"
"Lucky Denver Mint"
"Sweetness"
Alt Country Pack
Drive By Trukers - "3 Dimes Down"
Lucinda Williams - "Can't Let Go"
Neko Case - "People Got a Lot of Nerve"
Old 97s - "Time Bomb (LIVE)"
Steve Earle - "Satellite Radio"
Guitar Hero: World Tour
Bob Segar Track Pack
"Old Time Rock and Roll"
"Her Strut"
"Get Out of Denver" (Live)
In the news:
Some greedy asshole at Warner Brothers wants more money for their songs to be used in Rock Band. MTV said no and then smacked down the banner hammer. Here's a list of all the artist that you won't see in anymore games until this is resolved. Songs already released won't be be taken off the games.
Rock Band is coming to the PSP? Apparently rumors are flying about Harmonix finally jumping into the portable device market in much the same way that Activision did with Guitar Hero: On Tour. Details are sketchy, but early rumors suggest that there will be no peripherals involved, a player will use only the buttons on their PSP device to play the game. There's also talk of being able to switch instruments mid song. No release date as been announced and as of this writing, Harmonix has not actually confirmed that the game even exists.
The trophy list for the upcoming Guitar Hero: Metallica game for PS3 has been leaked. No word yet on the achievement list for the 360 but they're likely to be the same.
