The full retail release of Forza 6 is right around the corner, and it promises a roster of around 450 cars at launch. Undoubtedly the game will contain hundreds of epic cars, a few that can be upgraded to epic status, and a handful that are going to be complete shit no matter how you upgrade or tune the thing: some cars are just destined to suck. However, the suck is not limited to racing games and far too often we find ourselves stuck in a vehicle that we would happily trade for a solid pair of digital walking shoes.
10. Vapid Minivan-GTA V
So you've racked up a few stars on your wanted level and Los Santos PD is showing some extreme interest in your driving habits. Unfortunately, you've just wrecked your Bugatti knock-off and the only vehicle in sprinting distance is a Vapid POS Minivan parked in front of the barber shop. Looks like you're going to jail. Yeah, you could try to get away in the Vapid but, honestly, it's far more useful as cover than a getaway vehicle.
9. The Compensator-Saint's Row 4
The preferred vehicle of urban Luchadores, The Compensator projects a tough-guy image with its big rig styling and Canyonero dimensions. However, the leader of the Third Street Saints needs a fast, manueverable car, not this slow, lumbering piece of shit that handles like a brick. Unless your driving style utilizes a "fuck dodging traffic, I'm driving straight through that shit" tactic, you should probably choose something smaller and faster.
8. Whatever This Thing Is-Far Cry 4
The vehicles in Far Cry 4 are not terribly exciting: when your favorite way to get around in a game is an ATV your game has a vehicle problem. That being said, this three-wheeled death trap is the bottom of the barrel in a game polluted by poor transportation choices. There are no doors to protect the driver, the top is canvas, it's apparently powered by a popcorn maker, and the three wheeled design completely compromises vehicle stability. You're better off driving a pair of Hush Puppies, amigo.
https://www.youtube.com/edit?video_id=EWNGlSK3CUA&video_referrer=watch
7. Duke's Mighty Foot-Duke Nukem Forever
Don't get me wrong, Duke's truck is super fast and its off-road capabilities are second to none. That being said, you'll spend more time looking for fuel than actually driving the damn thing. Time for a tank upgrade, Duke.
6. Dune Buggy-Half Life 2
Yeah, I know that the hovercraft from the second chapter is an ugly ride, but this POS dune buggy from later in the game is the vehicular low point in Half Life 2. It's super hard to control, the Mad Max-style supercharger makes the thing almost undriveable, and it will flip over on the slightest overadjustment in steering. For an extra challenge, and a studly cheevo, try dragging the garden gnome from the beginning of the level along for the ride. Wah-hoo!
5. 2015 Shelby Interceptor-Need For Speed Rivals
So, you've chosen to pursue a career in law enforcement and opted for the powerful Shelby Interceptor for your first time trial...rookie mistake. This unfortunate combination of extreme horsepower and "handles like shit" means that your career is going to end in a hospital bed. On a positive note, your drift meter will never go empty in this car.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRRXNb_0N0I
4. Presidential Limosine-Driver
Anyone who has played the original Driver knows the frustration of driving the Limo on the final mission with the POTUS in back alternately praising and criticizing your driving. The limo is way slower than the pursuit vehicles attempting to wreck the limo and assassinate the President, and it handles like a city bus full of obese elephants. This was a game -killing mission for me on the original Playstation, and I haven't bought a Sony since.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVuhvPrrhyI
3. Every Single Car- Watchdogs
This is Ubi's second offender on this list. While the cars in Far Cry 4 weren't meant to be performance machines, many of the vehicles in Watch Dogs are, which is somehow worse. There is almost no distinction between a muscle car and a high-end exotic in this game: they all handle like every car in GTA 3. The only apparent difference is acceleration and it takes more than the 0-60 mph stat to differientate the in-game vehicles. This game was a huge disappointment, and the vehicles were a huge hit on Ubisoft's reputation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEZD8YgjxIQ
2. 1986 Lancia Delta S4-Forza 5
Thr Forza franchise has its fair share of lame dogs in the race: the RUF Yellowbird in Forza 4, the undriveable Porsche 959 from Forza 3, and the dastardly nerfing of the Ferrari 458 Italia in Forza 5. No car in Forza history has ever been misrepresented so poorly as the Lancia Delta in Forza 5. The Delta is adequate in Forza 4, and even fairly competitive in Forza Horizon 2, but it flagrantly repels any attempt to tame it in Forza 5. Resentful of any type of performance upgrade, this mean-spirited Italian will take your tune and shove it up your ass, sideways, at 120 mph. Fuck this car.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfOzRlw7coQ
1. The Warthog-Halo Series
If there is a vehicle in any video game that is less fun to drive than the Warthog, I haven't found it yet. Unlike every other video game vehicle, both the throttle and steering are controlled by the thumbsticks on the Xbox controller, making it very difficult to control. If you do manage to get the hang of it, you've ruined your ability to proficiently drive a vehicle in any other game for a month. Typically found upside-down in the wild near the burned and mutilated corpses of former passengers, the Warthog is a far greater threat to its occupants than any enemy it may encounter on its way to roll off of a cliff. Try walking, you'll live longer.
