VengefulJedi
Shared on Sat, 07/27/2013 - 01:48"In this place, to find is to lose and to lose is to find.... to lose and claim anew, or to claim anew only to lose." This has been written on my heart lately, both by force & by will. This past week, one of my friends/coworkers killed his wife then killed himself. Another friend, a police officer, responded to the call. I'm heartbroken, but not because a friend & gaming companion is gone... he left behind an 11-year-old daughter. Naturally, thoughts of mortality & the fragility of life abound, and I'm reminded to value the people in my life, not taking them for granted. My mom is still around. My sister took me in earlier this year to keep me out of a volatile living situation (and for me to help with the kids), while my new place was in preparations. My brother/best friend just moved back home from Florida. I need to look at these amazing people & feel like the luckiest motherfucker alive.
I also got to a point (recently) where I looked at my gaming & said "Fuck it!" Playing whatever I was bombarded with invites to play, dealing with assholes & their bullshit dramas, Basically, one day I cast off some dead weight - traded some games in, cut ties with some people. Gaming is my pasttime, my stress relief, and at times my biggest social outlet. And those "losses" weren't losses at all, but opportunities to love gaming again. I'm playing what I want to play, enjoying the people I want to game with. And it's made all the difference.
I had more shit to add, but it's not making any fucking sense once I get it out... meaning, time for bed. Shit, it's 2am & I have to be up in 4 hours. But that's pretty much my story lately, losing & letting go only to gain & restore.
Later.
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Comments
Submitted by OutcastB on Sat, 07/27/2013 - 06:02
Submitted by VengefulJedi on Sat, 07/27/2013 - 07:56
Thanks man. Appreciate it. And I'm already seeing both benefits to the "awakening"... it's good.
Submitted by VengefulJedi on Sat, 07/27/2013 - 15:32
By the way, here's a link to the article from ABC 7: http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=news/local&id=9181404
Submitted by SarcasmoJones on Sat, 07/27/2013 - 12:09
That's pretty heavy, sorry to hear about that. My best friend tried to commit suicide back in the 90s, he put a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. However, the force of the blast blew his head back and only knocked out some teeth and clipped his nose: this happened while I was living in Kansas City. When I moved back to Fort Worth, Chris and I became close again. He would come over and drink and play games or just hang out. He finally died of a heroin overdose, but he's still a big part of who I am: true friends are never truly gone and the bad times can't last forever. I'm sorry for your loss.
Submitted by VengefulJedi on Sat, 07/27/2013 - 12:31
Thanks Jones. Means a lot.
Submitted by GUL74 on Sat, 07/27/2013 - 15:18
Hey man sorry to hear about your friend sucks when you loose anyboody but suicide always seems to make it worse . I had a friend they found in her house swinging from a rope they never solved if it was foul play or suicide. Another decided heroin was more fun the weed and the last was someone I use to see with group of other friends he kept saying things will be better at 5pm well we found out later that he layed his head down on the train tracks ..
As for your gaming it should be a fun pastime, play the games you want&like not always what everyone else is playing. I've had more fun doing my own thing
Submitted by VengefulJedi on Sat, 07/27/2013 - 15:30
I don't know what evidence was used to determine it, but the cops ruled it a murder-suicide. I'm just thankful that the daughter wasn't home when it happened. I had another friend (one of my sister's best friends) commit suicide about 6 years ago. Her fiancee went to take out the trash, he heard a gunshot, found her on the bathroom floor with her brains on the wall.
And the gaming has been more fulfilling & entertaining since the Awakening (as Outcast eloquently put it), especially in the co-op area. I want to dive more into Forza.... my lack of knowledge about cars makes it frustrating, but the 2old4forza guys fucking rock! :)