Things men over 30 should no longer do

1. Bring his mitt to a professional baseball game.

2. Turn boxers inside out and wear them for two more days.

3. TiVo Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County.

4. Use Dial soap as shampoo.

5. Yell, "Run, Forrest, Run!" at someone in the airport trying to catch his plane.

6. Eat cereal endorsed by a cartoon character.

7. Channel Frank the Tank.

8. Put his face between a woman's breasts and make a gurgling motorboat sound.

9. Use a crunk song for his cell-phone ring.

10. Google-whack.

11. Refer to either his friends or his testes as "my boys."

12. Refer to his "boys" as "Chang and Eng."

13. Devise secret handshakes.

14. Use sports metaphors for sex.

15. Use sex metaphors for sports.

16. Refer to Latina women as mamasitas.

17. Dry hump.

18.  Have a welcome mat in front of his home that says, F*** OFF.

19. Practice his autograph.

20. Watch past the end credits for the Adam Sandler "gag reel."

21. Order Long Island iced teas.

22. Teach foreign speakers that the way to ask for directions in English is "Will you tickle my man snake?"

23. Drink beer out of a helmet.

24. Wear a T-shirt with a rhino on it that says, I'M HORNY.

25. Let a magazine tell him he's too old to do dumb s***.