Videogame Villains I could beat up

Before you read this you should know, that I am by no means what would pass as a man in British Columbia. The closest thing I've ever been to working out is watching weightlifting. I wear specs and is more proficient with a computer than I ever will be with a broad sword (this includes the digital kind). In short, I would probably stand a better chance as a Victoria's Secret model, than as a bouncer at a nightclub. Still I recon I could beat up the following pussy villains if I met them in the flesh.

Team Rocket (Pokemon):
Let's see a wannabe goth with purple hair dressed up to match his girlfriend's outfit. Said the girlfriend is a whiney redhead, who'll start crying as soon as she's met with the slightest resistance. Oh, and that annoying cat (of course all cats are). No problem. I'd bitch slap James a few times just to show "him" I want my beer cold as a polar bear's asshole. Go fetch boy! This should also be enough to turn on the Jesse fosset, and if it isn't, a few good punches to her kindey will. Of course I could also beat them into submission with an assortment of hamsters, rats and mice, just to show them other cool uses for pets. The cat just needs a duct tape treatment, a price tag and a lot no. on eBay, I'm pretty sure a talking cat would net me a nice amount.



Eggman (Sonic):
A fat, geriatric circus runaway in a wheelchair or hover chair (or whatever that is), that continually get's his ass handed to him by a hedgehog. Aw come on, a piss in the electrical systems should short that chair-thingy out, leaving him open for a gently push over the edge of Patronas Tower ... and when I say gentle I mean hard, and when I say push, I mean kick in the teeth. Effect is the same.

Psycho Mantis (MGS):
This is just plain stupid. "Let's send an anorexiac, gasmask wearing leather fetischist after whoever's trying to get to us. Better let him play with vibrating toys too to make sure any potential threat dies laughing."
I'm not even sure, I even need to smack this scrawney wanker around to beat him. I would shove every claire voyant themed book out there up his ass ... if I wasn't sure he'd just enjoy that.

Blinky, Pinky, Inky and Clyde (Pacman):
I don't believe in ghosts, so this must be 4 midgets, who've raided a gay parade wardrobe. Wearing a hippie pncho with no hole for the head doesn't scare anyone. It doesn't matter how fast you can run, try picking a fight wearing a sheet, and see who wins.
As for these four assclown, 2 hours on 95 degrees celcius should shut them up.



Bowser (Mario):
An overgrown turtle with filed down teeth, and he doesn't even know kung-fu. Ooh, I'm so scared. It's a freaking turtle for crying out loud.
Turn it on it's back, match over.

I win!