So Can I Quote You On This?

I don't care who you are, Fatass. Just get those reindeer off my fucking roof. - Unknown

Shaq is not the man. He's the man because the NBA wants him to be the man, but before you can be the man, you've got to be the man. -- Dennis Rodman

A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.

A witty saying proves nothing. -- Voltaire

All's well that ends.

Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm. -- Publilius Syrus

Anyone who uses the phrase easy as taking candy from a baby has never tried taking candy from a baby. -- Robin Hood

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. -- Albert Einstein

Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence. -- Time Bandits

If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.

Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking. -- Jerome Lettvin

Push something hard enough and it will fall over.

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored. -- George Saunders' dying words

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. -- Albert Einstein

I'm sorry if the correct way of doing things offends you.

If people are good only because they fear punishment and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed. -- Einstein

If you are too cute some monsters might be tempted to eat you.

Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets. -- The Brigader, from Dr. Who

Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A.

No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats, approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.

Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.

Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none. -- William Shakespeare

He has been known by many names; the Prince of Lies, the Director, Lucifer, Belial, and once, at a party, some obnoxious drunk kept calling him Dude.

Never frighten a little man. He'll kill you.

In the beginning I was made. I didn't ask to me made. No one consulted me or considered my feelings in this matter. But if it brought some passing fancy to some lowly humans as they haphazardly pranced their way through life's mournful jungle then so be it. -- Marvin the Paranoid Android

I waited and waited, and when nobody called, I knew it was from you.

Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.

My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind. - Albert Einstein

Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction.

Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some ordinance under which you can be booked. - Robert D. Sprecht (Rand Corp)

Well Walter, I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street - Neil Armstrong

Feeling screwed up in a screwed up place and a screwed up time does not make you screwed up.

Rise up in the cafeteria and stab them with your plastic forks.

Life is pain, anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell something.