Suffering Artist

Well, tomorrow is the last day of kindergarten for my daughter. She will be going into the first grade as a big girl next year. I thought that after she had gone through K-1 it would be easier, but I am not feeling it at the moment. Hmm, summer is about to officially be upon us here in the state of HELL. I enjoy going to the lake and hanging out at the pool, however, this summer will be different. I won't be at home to lay around the pool and just hang out. I guess I will just have to make time for those family fun activities.

My job is going great, I really look forward to going each morning. Bare with me these may be random thoughts......

I hope to start writing soon. I am waiting for the creative juices to start flowing again. So far I am still blocked. It may be time to pull out the Artist Way again. It is a workbook of sorts that helps you unblock, no matter what kind of artist you are. I highly recommend it. Matt has tried to do it with me a couple of times, but neither one of us have made it through the end. I usually use it until I start to feel creative, then, of course, I would rather be writing or drawing instead of reading about it..lol...You will probably pop in here and read some pretty random thoughts before the juices flow and I actually write something interesting. It is a process, but usually productive.

I miss seeing the wonder and amazement in everything...looking around and seeing beauty in the strangest places. One would think that happiness would be aquired so easily. However happiness is measured on many levels. Physical, metaphysical, emotional, creatively, well the list could go on. but I will spare you.

Physically-I am okay, but not happy with my appearance...but I haven't met a female yet that wouldn't change something about themselves. I have come to accept that I have had two children, and my body doesn't look like it did when I was 18...I have come to terms that with age, you do change. I am excepting those changes with as much grace and dignity that I can.

Metaphically- I am experimenting and questioning my beliefs on this realm of existance.

Emotionally- This is a battle that I fight everyday. Somedays are better than others..and the bad days are becomming fewer by the week.

Creatively- This is the one that I am suffering greatly. This is my focal point for the moment. I am an artist by nature. Accepting the fact that I can not create anything is something that is hard for me to swallow. I know it's there, inside me...but tapping those resources sometimes is frustrating, and exausting.

Just as a note...my home life (family) is going great. I am happy with those choices I have made in my life. In fact I am proud of them. The truth is, that this one can be the most stressful, but also the most rewarding. Life is a crazy thing. But I like crazy...most of the time......