Gunsmoke 2007

So Tech Diversions has a contest to win a Wii. The way you win is to describe which classic Nes Game you would remake for the Wii, and why. Well, I decided to speak about my love of Gunsmoke, so I wrote this paper. Twice. The first time, I hit the back button on accident, and all of my stuff disappeared. But I am going to put it here, for posterity. Enjoy, and get to Tech Diversions to win a Wii.

Gunsmoke

 

In the days following the release of the Wii, a host of games will be reissued to the Wii virtual console to be played Ol’ School style, with the Wiimote held horizontally. But out of all of those games, one game that stands above all, and actually needs to be moved to the Wii as a completely rebuilt game is Gunsmoke. Why? I will tell you why. I will also explain how the graphics, music, and gameplay can all be enhanced to utilize the capabilities of the Wii. But first, for the uninitiated, I will go ahead and explain the background story of the legendary Gunsmoke.

 

Gunsmoke: The Cliff’s Note Version

 

Clip Clop. Clip Clop…

You are a drunken cowboy who had a one night stand with the Mayor’s fat, unattractive daughter. Now sober, and realizing that she ain’t getting any cuter, you are looking at disaster. Her father, the mayor, has decreed that you either marry his daughter, or die. Looking at the options, you decide to shoot your way out of town with the help of your mom, who sells you weapons (because you don’t pay rent) your trusty horse, and various weapons that were conveniently left in barrels and trash cans all around town (because littering is a crime) you must get the hell out of dodge.

 

Okay. I made that up. Really, Gunsmoke is a game where you are a bounty hunter searching for a gang of rogues. Each level requires that you find a wanted poster of the boss of that particular level, while avoiding shots coming from all directions by the enemy, heretofore known only as ‘the man’. How can you remake a classic like that for the Wii? Glad you asked.

 

Graphics:

 

If I had to pick one company to update graphics from 1986 to 2007, I would pick Capcom, hands down. They…

 

Excuse me. I have to take this call.

 

*Hello? Really? Capcom made Gunsmoke, you say? And my house is on fire, you say? Thanks, mom.*

 

So, what does Capcom need to do in this situation? Not much. All they really need to do is to make the game more of a third person shooter, in the Lost Planet vein, and enhance the graphics of the buildings that are on the sides of the levels so that they are full-on saloons and brothels. In the cliff levels, where you fight the Indian chief boss, make vultures and birds fly over head. Make the enemies about 2 times taller, and give them lots of muscles and scars. Then, when your horse is summoned, switch to a first person shooter mode, and have a health bar to let you know how many shots you can take before your horsie dies. If anyone can this, Capcom can. They know how to use their hands prettier than a two dollar whore. (I see you, Blazing Saddles)

 

 

 Gameplay:

 

In the arcade, there were three buttons and a joystick. The three buttons were for shooting to the left, middle, and right of the screen. On the Nintendo, they only had two buttons, so they had to make the most of it, by making the A&B buttons shoot to the left and right, respectively, and by pressing both of them together, you would shoot in the middle. Well, with the Wiimote, you can just point to the left, right, or middle, and click the z-button underneath the Wiimote to shoot.  Use the nun chuck to move your player. Hey, it can’t all be innovative.

 

Music:

 

Nobuo Uematsu is the composer of the Final Fantasy soundtracks. Nobuo Uematsu is a genius. Nobuo Uematsu is very expensive. Capcom cannot afford Nobuo Uematsu.

Ray-Ray is from the block. Ray-Ray has a gun. Ray-Ray can make gunshot noises with his gun. Ray-Ray works for weed. Capcom is scared of Ray-Ray.

 

My point? Anyone can do the music for this game. Just recycle the music of each and every western movie you have ever seen, and you have the music for Gunsmoke. Classic music in an updated game? BRILLIANT!

 

Fun:

 

You can’t help but to have fun in a game like this. Hey, they could even bastardize the game, and add a multiplayer shooter aspect to it. This is a game that is begging for a sequel.

 

In summation, all I’m saying is that if Superman keeps getting new games, and Tomb Raider marches on, Gunsmoke deserves the accolades that we would give it, if and when Capcom remakes it.