Rest In Peace....

I haven't sent a blog in quite a long time. Mostly procrastination. Some of it is that I usually don't have much to say I would think anyone would want to read. This one is mostly therapeutic- I hope.

Tonight I lost a very close family member. He was my uncle David. He took his life.

My uncle David was hard to describe- you really had to know him. He was the life of the party, class clown, black sheep, etc. Whenever there was a get together and he was in the room, there was laughter. He was a fantastic storyteller. He was a prankster. He was more like a brother figure than a typical uncle. He was a lovable guy- it was very hard not to like him. Unfortunately, his life was hard. He was a hard worker, but had hard time finding a job that suited him for the long term. He had two young kids with a woman(witch is a better description) that would refuse to let him see them and would tell his children lies so they would be on her side. That's just the tip of the iceberg.

One short story- he was at our wedding. We had a bunch of pictures taken by the photographer for our wedding album. When we got it back, we went through all the pictures and got to the last page. The very last photograph was my uncle David with a pair of fake teeth (all crooked, some missing) and this goofy grin on his face. Makes me laugh everytime.

Depression is a very big hereditary factor in my family. My grandmother had bipolar disorder. My mom, as well as aunts and uncles have it., as well as myself. I had lost an uncle when I was younger to it and never thought it would happen again. He had been depressed for a long time. He had been on medication, but nothing worked.

It still has not quite stuck in that he is gone. My mom is taking it very hard. I'm still in shock. He is no longer hurting. We will never get over his loss, we can only hope some of the pain will go away.

There are times when I feel down. But in a moment like this, it makes me appreciate the life that I do have. I have depression, so I understand the type of pain he must have been going through. I am not one to think "how could he be so selfish?", because I know with a pain like that it's hard not to think about anything but making the pain go away. But at the same time, I could not do what he did. I would never want to put my loved ones through that pain. But I do not resent him, I sympathize for his pain.

He was a good person. His disease ultimately was too much for him to handle.

If you're still reading this, please pray for my family.

Also keep your own family close to your heart and never take them for granted. You never know when they may no longer be there.