booooo

I have said before that I am a better friend to others than they are to me.  Or do I just think so?  I was basically told to fuck off by 3 different people in 3 different situations, all in the same day.  And, that would be yesterday.  Why?  Because they all have a place in my heart, and maybe don't want to be there.  I have always been shy and sensitive (YES!  it's true!) and being smacked in the face 3 times yesterday just put me over the edge.  It is a huge effort on my part to reach out to others.  Maybe I do it wrong?  Well, if I do, that is me and if you don't like it......  All I really wanted to do last night was go to bed, curl up in a ball, and feel sorry for myself.  Oh, yeh, and maybe even cry a little.  But, my bed wasn't empty, and I wasn't alone, and that's when I got the 3rd smack.  I feel very bruised this morning.  Sensitive?  Ya, waaay to much!  But, that is me, and I live with me every day.

The Plan has completely stalled out.  I am working full-time, a big step in the plan.  But, the time of year (SAD) and my emotional energy have stopped me dead in my tracks.  Christmas is bad....Bah Humbug!  Weather is ugly.  Work is tough.  I want to be alone, but not.  Hard to explain.  I need my own space, and it is getting old to have a 10' x 12' room with everything, including a double bed, squashed in...for my space.  But, that is where my PC and xbox are, along with other stuff, you can't imagine.  There is room for my chair, and that is all.  One way, I face the PC, swivel that chair, and I face the xbox.  I am rambling again,,,,,,cya