How I'll spend my Bday

So today, a few days before my birthday, I bruised something.   I curse the snow and ice with every bone in my body, but I curse most vehemently with the one around my ass.

You see I was outside, clearing off the car, when I slipped.  My feet flew up into the air, my arms flailing wildly above me, with nothing between my tailbone and the cold, frozen ground but thin layer of denim and cotton.  I mean not even the padded cheeks my ass were in position.  There was nothing to save me from the bone jarring pain as my body piledrived my tailbone into the frozen ground with all the fury of WWE wrestler.

I laid on the ground for a moment taking in the pain.  There wasn't much else I could do anyway, being half under the truck and unable to move my legs.  I had this brief thought that I was no longer as young as I used to be; my body couldn't possibly take the abuse it had just been dealt and rebound quickly.  The pain and cold was so numbing that I couldn't move my legs at first.  I will admit to a brief flash of panic in that moment.  Thoughts of being paralyzed due to a broken ass filled my pain flooded brain.  I rolled onto my side and pulled myself out from under the truck. 

While pulling myself out from under the truck, the pain started to lessen and I was able to move my legs, and even stand.  I pulled myself into the backseat of the truck to brush off the snow and shame.  Now I'll be spending my birthday this Saturday walking carefully and seating most of the time.  I am now held hostage by my ass, and it's rather embarrassing.


Plato