Got alot going on...and I need sleep...

First off my Gears ladder teams first match is tonight. The Hammers of Pwn are up against 2o2p Alpha who have doodirock and Tank on their roster. So Im not so sure how we will hold up.

But from the practice sessions we had last night I'm actually quite impressed with my team mates. They picked up the map layouts and alot of the tactics very quickly and some of them were pwnzing me pretty hard in some matches. So that makes me very hopefull.

But in the end its all about fun first and foremost.

So wish us Hammers good luck.



In other news. Julia is not doing too well. Her 1st social security check wont be coming in until the END of December. So she has another month of no money and hoping her mom has enough to get her medicine...and food. I bought them dinner last night because they had no food in the house, and Julias moms child support check didnt come in like they hoped...so no money for food.

I am glad that Julia is getting her money...but I do have a few worries. I dont think she will move out of her moms house anytime soon...or at all if ever. Shes too connected to being home even though so much bullshit goes on there.

I dont think she would live very long on her own. When someone who apparantly blacks out, drives to the store, buys alchohol, gets drunk, cuts and then wakes up the next day not remembering any of it, has a bank account full of money and no one to keep her from accessing it....it doesnt spell happy ending.

So Im wondering if there will ever be a point that when I decide to leave this part of the country and head north...am I going to be leaving her behind? Because I dont think she will come with me honestly...and if she did come with me...I dont know if I will be able to handle what could possibly happen with her while adjusting to a new place.

I figure hell....I'll burn that bridge when I get to it I guess. Its still a while before I can move out of this shitty town.


Havent been sleeping too well. Or if I do sleep well, when I wake up Im still so tired that its hard to function. Dunno whats up with that. But right now Im sitting at my desk wanting to sleep sooooo bad. Dont think there would be time for a nap tonight before the match though...we'll see.


Something else has been bugging me too. There is a friend of mine who I considered a brother, welcomed into my home and pretty much considered him family. He went through a bad breakup with his girlfriend a few months ago...and after that happened he was pretty much at my house all the time. And it would be the same conversation over and over..."I dont understand...why did she do this....why did this happen..." Im sure you know what I mean.

Well being the good friend I just sat there, shut up and listened to it because hell I care about the guy. And he got shafted bad by his now ex-gf.

But then something started happening...the phone calls stopped....the visits stopped. then I got a phone call one day. "We need to talk" was all he said. So we met at a mutual friends house and "talked". He went on about how we arent on the same page anymore...and how we dont do anything but sit in my room while Im playing my 360 or looking on the forum. So I asked him..."well all those times I asked if you wanted to do something...what did you say? Not a damn thing....so if you arent contributing suggestions for activities...how the fuck can you complain that we aren't doing anything."

Long story short I called bullshit on him and he apologized. And all seemed fine. But then I started getting the cold shoulder anytime I saw him. I would hear a max of 5 words from him...and I think that was just him being "nice".

Its been about 3 weeks since we last talked. And no word from him since. No emails or anything. I hate to write someone off like this...but after all the things I've done for him to help him out...for him to just drop me like a bad habit...I just have to say fuck it and let it all go and revoke his card to the "Friend of Gatsu" club. Its sad because we had so much in common and could talk for hours about anything and we would end up both laughing our asses off and have great conversations....or we'd just chill and play halo together or something. It was a good thing....I enjoyed his friendship. I was glad to consider him my brother and at one point I would take a bullet for him. But not anymore...

I just hope a week from now he doesnt come calling for a favor...because I'd have to tell him to go fuck himself.

This has happened many times before...I finally think Ive found someone I can trust...and then I get shafted because they are too immature or self-centered to carry on a real friendship. This just makes it harder for anyone else to get in...because after each time I get a little less friendly and less trusting of people alltogether...friends, family...you name it.

Stuff like this is what makes me hate people...

Thats it for now...Im tired of typing.

Gatsu OUT!