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Dammit I hate being right.

Gatsu

Shared on Thu, 08/17/2006 - 03:11
Felt like something wasn't quite right with her the past few times we've talked. I was right. She's been suicidal the past few nights and hasn't told me.

So guess where I've been all fucking night....in the emergency room waiting for her to get transferred to Aurora Pavillion (mental hospital).

I told her it would be better to use the week or so apart from each other. She agreed. I told her she needed to take the time to realize what she has and what she can lose easily. And I told her I would use the time to relax and decide whether or not I will be continuing the relationship or not.

Thats it for now. I'm tired as hell. And I hate people.....

Gatsu OUT!

Comments

Lunatik-ZX's picture
Submitted by Lunatik-ZX on Thu, 08/17/2006 - 06:23
Hay Gatsu I dont wanna be harsh on Julia or you but you gotta let go of her. She bringing you with her in her world while you are trying to get off the ground a bit. I Know you love her very much but whos the most important person, you or her , i kow this is the most violent question you could ask yourself but are you gonna stay depressed because you always carrying her life on your shoulders. It happenned to me a while ago ( 5Years) and i had to choose my life or her life... and i choosed myself. It may be a bit hardcore but thats what i think, uneed a new life ... meaning you need to connect back to yourself and be a bit more egocentric. I dont wanna be the hard mad person that is saying to you what to do in a bad english . and my intentions are pure, you got the right tho to be mad at me because... its normal... Man hang on and remember its only an opinion Luna
codemonkey's picture
Submitted by codemonkey on Thu, 08/17/2006 - 06:29
Yea Luna, one can only extend their hand to help a person hanging on a cliff....they themselves have to chooes to grab on or let go. It's not your choice.
Whamolla's picture
Submitted by Whamolla on Thu, 08/17/2006 - 08:11
It's sounds like you've done what you can. She can't help herself when she is with you and she is only going to keep bringing you down. I've got to agree with Luna, you should look out for number 1. You are testing your strength and willpower everyday with your own change in lifestyle. It's not fair to have this extra burden.
BigpunishrsWife's picture
Submitted by BigpunishrsWife on Thu, 08/17/2006 - 08:39
Gatsu...YOU are in my thoughts.
Gatsu's picture
Submitted by Gatsu on Thu, 08/17/2006 - 11:57
This is gonna sound really pathetic...but I dunno if I want to picture life without her. I've got time to think about things. And I'm going to hard. I don't know whats gonna happen next...my prayer really is that alone in the hospital will show her what shes been doing to me and herself and it will straighten her up. But part of me knows thats wishfull thinking because this is visit #6. I understand why shes in there...its to get her medication adjusted. thats not what upsets me...its the fact that she told me nothing of the suicidal thought until we were in the car heading to the hospital at midnight. I'm kind of a mess right now and need to take some time to think and get everything straight. Luna - thanks for the harsh words. Everyone needs them occasionally. So don't hold back and keep keeping it real. I appreciate that alot. Not many people can keep it real and be harsh when needed. Code, Whamolla - I never know when to stop. lol. thats my weakpoint. I know at least when to speak up about it. And I appreciate your input as well. But life isn't fair. Thats just the way of the world. Fairness is balance. And this world is far from balanced. And everyone has there burdens to bear. Some parts of my life are easy and burden free, and then others are the exact opposite. But I'm the kind of idiot that likes a challenge. BigpunishrsWife - It is appreciated. Just please pray for her as well. I'm not the only victim in this. Thank you all. I'll keep you posted on whats going on. And this will not interfere with my workouts and my other goals. That is seperate from her and another part of my life. So that will continue as normal. hehe. at least theres some stability.

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