Cant sleep. So I write.

Its just something I've started doing. Thoughts will spin around alittle while I try to fall asleep. Then those thoughts intermeld and become ideas. Some I try to ignore, but some I can't until I write them out.

So I decided to write this little bit out. Its not by any means anything professional. But It just really struck me after I read it.

Crimson Waiting:

She could almost feel the blade caress her flesh,
Just moments before it had.
She watched as the cold steel traced a path on her skin.
A path lit with crimson.
The skin had just begun to split.
What brought her to it?
No one can answer, not even she.
All thoughts empty as new scars are made.
Staring intently as if she were a child watching an artist paint a mural.
Every stroke spoke of pain and anger.
Punishments for mistakes long since passed.
And new not yet over the horizon.
Her eyes fixated on the red now blanketing her arm.
The world around her has faded away.
All that is left is crimson.
But almost as soon as the world had faded to that peaceful crimson,
Reality broke forth, removing the awe and sense of wonder.
The child staring at the artists work was rudely awoken
To a portrait of fear and gore.
The world returned and pain and truth soon followed.
The scars anew were cleaned and covered, but the cuts
were far deeper than flesh.
Staring out into the world so fearing, she sat in her
Room wondering & waiting.
For the next little bit of crimson.


Blah blah yes its about cutting. My girlfriend is/was a cutter. She hasn't in a long time. But when we were together the other day I couldn't stop looking at her scars on her forearms. I rubbed her arm and felt them under my fingertips. Every bump had a story behind it. Every scar a tale.

I guess thats why I wrote it. The scars don't bother me. They serve more as a reminder of where she has been. Before she was with me, and while we've been together. Its a map of pain, love, mistakes and forgiveness. And I'm glad to travel down that path with her.

I dont feel bad when I touch her scars. As a matter of fact almost the opposite. It makes me love her all the more I think. She has learned alot since we've been together. And Im glad for that.

I know that if we weren't together right now, those scars would paint a very different picture.

Gatsu OUT!