Hungry Hungry Hippo Heart

I wish I could write every day, but when the wall of paper is push down upon me by the angry robots I have to fight back. I stand up and shake my fists as I kick at the paper.  I say: ”Damn you angry robots!”

Do the robots care? No, they push and they shove.  Their little arms pushing the paper at me, those damn angry little robots no bigger than a tape dispenser.  I would attack them with my phone, if the cord was longer.  Why won’t work buy me a cordless phone, don’t they know I have angry little robots to contend with?  They seem them, but they just run away with them to lunch or maybe some weird kind of nooner.

Why do we live in this perverted world of human/robot conjugation? Like verbs and nouns we may work well in a sentence, but we can’t have babies! You can’t add an apple to a suspension bridge and expect anything.  How do you add fruit to a building? I tried it, I walked up to a building and I smashed an apple into it.  Nothing added up, so I went inside and threw an apple at a security guard and yell: “Have some applesauce fatso!” Again it did not add up. I made that guy run, the security guard that is. For a lump of sedentary polyester, he sure slid across the floor like a monkey after a crack banana.

If I could invent an ice cream for Ben & Jerry’s, it would be crack banana. I’d have a picture of a skinny drugged out banana getting high on the pipe in its crappy apartment next to a large banana peel getting chewed on by a really large fruit fly.  In fact, I would create a cartoon parody of Starsky & Hutch and instead of two guys it would be a banana and a fruit fly busting loose around the city in a Trans Am.  Do they fight crime or do they just do stupid shit when they get high? What’s the difference, it’s all cable!

I just think every reality show would be much better if the cast was high on some hard core drugs (I know most of that stuff happens off camera), like the Real House Wives meets PCP meets the Golden Girls meets V meets your TV. I mean why don’t they start cutting off limbs on extreme chef or introduce some fun loving cannibals?

I was watching Falling Skies and I’m waiting for a Skittles tie in.  Hey, let’s jump on the ET bandwagon!

Hogmania is tonight for the entire world to see. So in good humor and faith in the powers that be, I am going to ride around my office in my office chair naked but for some body paint which really are the fake tattoos I got out of a grocery store coin operated thing screaming Hogmania at the top of my lungs while posting up and down like you do when riding a horse that’s trotting!