Green is the new Black

 

 

Tomorrow is Ground Hog’s Day.  For those who don’t know, it’s a day of endless torture surrounded by the musings of a small creature.  Not unlike the Twilight zone episode about the small five year old who terrorizes a small town, the media blitz surrounding the ground hog torments me I almost plead the ground hog to wish me into the cornfield.  You know it is just lingering down in its squalid hole of dank dark humorless ecstasy of making people wait all year long to find out about its meteorological ponderings!  I don’t care I will be bored no more for I took great care to infiltrate the International Brotherhood of Ground Hogs Chapter 197 out of Abbotsford.  I found out that they have plotted for thousands of years watching us humans grow from apes and Egyptians to proper homo sapiens.  They knew they had to control the commodities market so they can corner carrot futures, because they love carrots!  They buy low and then predict the weather and then sell high, using their ground hog gold to buy, buy, buy.  They won’t stop at American, Europe is next and then Asia, maybe even the red headed step child of continents Australia will fall eventually.  Don’t be fooled by their furry little faces so cute and fluffy, you just want to tickle their little bellies, don’t cha?  WELLL DON’T!!! It’s exactly what they want and when you’re in close they will cry out for four more weeks of winter and then who’s got their pants down, figuratively speaking, because if you have your pants down in front of a ground hog there is no help for you or humanity!