Friday's post is nothing less than epic!!!

So this is my X-mas post.  I dance the night with my sugar plum fairy, traipsing past the mistletoe with my mouth wrapped around a Hamms. What is a sugar plum fairy?  Could it be what one turns into after eating too many sugar plums and maybe drink a few sugar rimmed rums?  You can feel the power of the sugar racing through your veins as the megalomania of the rum dives you into a dance at the office Christmas party that challenges your vanity or at least how all of your closet stalkers view you.  You know Deloris, down in accounting; she’s just no longer into you.  It’s magmatic.  Or at least that’s the word that’s shaking the nation…no it doesn’t make sense but it sounds like a great word to use.  I bet that if you use it excitedly in a meeting at work, no one will know what it really means but will assume it means something is great then you’ll be down by the soda machines and you’ll hear around the corner on Wednesday how someone got a new TV for X-mas and they’ll say that the whole moment was “MAGMATIC!!!”.  Try it!  I dare you!  No…I’m in your face right now, do it!!!  You’re just reading this thinking Free Radikal is high…high on life maybe or coffee or lemon flavored yogurt or high on the fact that I am naked all the time under my clothes…I mean aren’t we all high on that…it’s like a balanced budget high or maybe a high of lower payroll taxes or insurance premiums or chewing on ribbons and gift wrap at the mall…DON’T STARE AT ME IT SAID GIFT WRAPPING WAS FREE!!!!!

 

Now just sit down, drink some eggnog with the 151 rum, turn on the tube and watch Santa do his dirty work.  Dance Santa Dance!  Shake it! Shake it like a Christmas Tree!  Hell, shake it like Joseph did when he built Christ his first canoe. I mean who wouldn’t shake like how chicken wing shakes when it’s being torn apart by a drunken fat guy when you could build Christ a canoe.  Holy canoe! I would say that.  You can build a man a canoe, but if you teach him to canoe, he’ll canoe all day in every way.

 

So let’s hang mistletoe over earth and wait for the mother ship! Peace on Earth, at least until the alien overlords show up.