Formaldehyde? I hardly knew her.

I am passionless about passion fruit…even more so less excited about what I did to my mouth this morning.  Yes friends, great and small, I ate some Chobani 2% Passion Fruit Greek Style yogurt.  I am a big big fan of Chobani, but I am in no way a fan of their passion fruit variety with seeds mind you.  You know when you dive into something and you eat it faster because you don’t like it and you think by eating it faster you will stave off nausea?  Well it worked until I crunched into the seeds…bahhh!  I just don’t understand why Chobani?!?

 

It’s kind of like why did Bob Dylan record a Christmas album?  Why did Hitler fight a two front war?  Why did Napoléon go to Russia in winter without laser wielding robot sky gods? Why do some men with two perfectly good legs sit down to pee?  Why bother with real cheese when fake cheese is so much better?

 

It’s because of man’s obsession with power.  When you stand in front of that porcelain contraption and unsheathe your man sword, yelling: “By the Power of Greyskull!” as you tinkle with the power of Hanna Barbera.  You can feel the power streaming from your bladder.  It’s like a hot wind on the hottest driest day of summer.  It’s like an atom bomb exploding, with the shockwave resonating off your kidneys.  I’m surprised the wall doesn’t crack in half!  Bow down humanity and bask in the glow of the aftermath a flush with the background radiation of megalomania.