Carl Johnson is a DOOFUS!!!

*blushes* I don't want everyone thinking I kicked cancer or did anything even remotely noble in all this. Truth is - it kicked me and surgery basically cut it out of me without the whole ugly Alien-exploding-from-the-chest scene. I had neuroendocrine cancer, very rare and it doesn't really respond to chemo or radiation so options can be slim. I thought I had the starting of another kidney stone. Hospital thought maybe it was my appendix and decided that surgery was in order. It was the pathology on the removed appendix that turned up the 4 cm tumor. Anyway, 2 major surgeries and a loooong wait later not to mention another couple of kickass, righteous scars (ok, its four additional) and I am...ok. For now at least. Game on.

Do you know they for real, actually, really-really call 2 of the wounds STAB wounds? That has got to be EPIC right?. Imagine me telling that one around the nursing home when I am 92 . "Yep, got me 2 stab wounds for when I ran as a busta gansta girl in the hood. yo'"

Where was I? Sorry for a moment I was regaling in the daydream. OH YEAH. You children of the game world are gonna be soooo proud of yo' momma!!! While recovering - I gamed. I played a bunch of demos AND I played around with some old games. AND I finished Saints Row 2 which made me role back the carpet and purchase and play Saints Row and that has me now in the middle of GTA San Andreas (thank you for DLC and for my hubby giving me a Points Card!).

But I digress (as usual). Yeah - Carl Johnson is a doofus.

Just when I try my heart out to make this dude all cool and radical something absolutely stupid, category 10 dumb comes out of his mouth. Say what? Niko in GTA IV had a certain cool to him. Luis in The Ballad of Gay Tony was very cool. Johnny was a biker and kinda - ok, he was kinda boring actually. In both Saints Row games my characters were pretty cool and Johnny Gatt had me wishing my character could Hot Coffee him. I love the sense of humour at play in all these games. So now comes Carl. Carl Johnson and San Andreas. Him, that I get all dressed up in what I think is cool...only his sex appeal seems nil...so I dress him up in the clothes that raise his sex appeal and he looks...ridonkulous. I am female and there is just no way I would get down with someone dressin' like that. Seriously? RockStar - you are frickin' evil!!! And just when I been making my man Carl a smooth well-oiled killing machine and a force to be reckoned with...he says something stupid. And it ain't just kinda stupid...oh no...this is grandaddy stupid. Doofus stupid. Slap-my-face-leave-my-mouth-hanging-open-with-spittle-stupid, thats how stupid. (You can quote me on that by the way) And if you are anything like me...you are left wondering why you put up with him. If he was any kind of a real man...he would have picked his suitcases up from the curb outside my house by now.

But...heres the thing, the evil thing....at the same time...I kinda like this dude, Carl. Because he is tragically human-like in some really weird, twisted way maybe because he does say exactly the wrong thing at exactly the wrong moment and leave me wanting to cuss him about it. Maybe that is his...dare I spell it out...his *gulp* c-h-a-r-m.

God, I hope I survive the rest of this game....I haven't even unlocked the 3rd Island yet!!!

(See this why YOU are all glad I DON"T do game reviews real time - although I could've used the money)