Haha

Jokes....cuz I'm bored and reading jokes....Anyone else got any good ones?

==================================================

"Gold Medalist"

Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives.

The first said, "I think my husband's like a championship golfer. He's spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke."

The second woman said, "My husband's like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps."

The third woman was silent until she was asked, "Tell us about your husband."

She thought for a moment and said, "My husband's like an Olympic gold-medal-winning quarter-miler."

"How so?"

"He's got his time down to under 40 seconds."

==================================================

One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast. However, his mother says, "You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores."

---

A little pissed off, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig.

When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?" asks the little boy. His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon!"

Just as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs and kicks the cat. The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him, or should I?"

==================================================

~How Rubber Gloves Are Made ~

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old
lady, was nervous
so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on
his gloves. "Do
you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.

"No, I don't," she replied.
"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Mexico with
a big tank of
latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the
tank, dip in
their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves
and throw them into
boxes of the right size."

She didn't crack a smile.
"Oh, well. I tried," he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of
the procedure,
she burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"I was just envisioning how condoms are made!"

Gotta watch those little old ladies! Th!eir minds are
always working.

==================================================