Pirate Hires Ninja

So, yesterday I ran into a bit of extra cash I wasn't expecting. I should have done something smart with it, like buy video games or gigantic cans of ovaltine from Costco. Instead I figured I would treat myself to something I have always wanted.

So I bought a ninja.

Now I have this awesome shadow of death that follows me everywhere I go. You can't see him, but rest assured he is there. It wasn't that expensive, but he does eat alot of starchy food. But that is also good, because Ramen Noodles are cheap as hell.

The biggest downside is the communication...and the ninja smoke bombs. We have already worked out a series of simple hand and arm signals and inconspicuous animal sounds so no one knows what will be coming. For example, I give the "vulcan" hand signal and make an angry beaver hissing noise and he will do a triple backflip out from his concealed position, give the target a purple nurple, pop his ninja smoke and disappear into the shadows untill the next time he is needed.

Its also good when you lock yourself out of the car...he has a ninja magic spell that unlocks locked things, like doors, windows, and secret chests of treasure that you may come across randomly. He is also rumored to have a spell that summons a fiery phoenix that will burn everything with flames from the nether....also useful when you dont want to light the BBQ to cook a few burgers or steaks.

I also had to spend a fair amount of cash on royal jelly and WD-40. Apparently true ninja weapons are not made of stainless steal and require pretty extensive maintenance for keeping the elevated level of lethality. I suggested Brass-O metal polish and he flipped out. I guess shiny weapons glare and can severely limit the ninja hiding skills.

In short...the ninja is nice, but...

... I should have bought a pirate.