California lovin'


Shared on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 11:24
"New Rule: Lay off California! You know, the rest of America has been having quite a laugh at California's expense lately. But let's remember this: California has a lot of people. And the reason it does is lots of other people in other states saying, "Fuck this, I'm outta here!"

And then those people come here to California, and people ask them, "Don't you miss the winters?" No, strangely enough, I don't. Much the same way I don't miss slamming a car door on my hands.

Make fun of California, but if it weren't for California, East Coast rappers would have to shoot musicians from Branson. If it weren't for California, there's be almost no TV, and you'd have to come home at night and actually talk to your family.

You know, the rest of America feels about California the way the rest of the world feels about America. They hate us because we do what we want. They think we're too blessed and too free, and it makes them nuts in the dreary hovels of Kabul and Tikrit and Lubbock, Texas.

They pray to their threadbare gods that we'll get what we deserve. But it won't happen. Because you never know what we're going to do here next. We elected Ronald Reagan and Jerry Brown. We're home to Disney and Hustler, the Partridge Family and the Manson Family. We can drink a Mudslide and a Sex on the Beach during an actual mudslide while having sex on the beach!

Our farms feed the world, and Calista Flockhart lives here. We have bears and great white sharks. And even our washed-up actors are allowed to kill one blonde chick.

We invented surfing and cyber-porn and LSD and the boob job. And if we didn't, we would have. We have oranges, free oranges, everywhere. What grows on the trees in Scranton, fucker?!

We have a real hockey team named after a hockey team in a movie! Our Indian casinos could kick your Indian casinos' ass.

We give our illegal aliens driver's licenses. And we have a governor who digs group sex.

Would anywhere else in America trade places with L.A. or San Francisco in a piss-soaked New York minute? You bet they would. Because I don't recall anyone ever writing a song called "I Wish They All Could Be Rhode Island Girls"!


suck it bitches


darth_chibius's picture
Submitted by darth_chibius on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 13:08
@ drewsky sorry dude, saw it at another board, dont really follow Bill, but he will be credited
KingDrewsky's picture
Submitted by KingDrewsky on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 16:05
Some douchebag PM'd me and told me you were posting copyrighted information. Can you believe that shit? Get a life, unnamed PM dude.
Fetal's picture
Submitted by Fetal on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 11:27
ekattan's picture
Submitted by ekattan on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 11:27
Surfing was invented in California? Maybe Californians believe the Beach Boys invented it. Lick It! SBWL.
Lbsutke's picture
Submitted by Lbsutke on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 11:35
uh actually Cali popularized surfing, it was invented by original inhabitants of Hawaii... West side till I die!!!!
TANK's picture
Submitted by TANK on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 11:35
NORCAL4LIFE ! YOu now, the wife and i have been looking into the future on where we may want to live and there isn't a single place other than Cali that i'd want to go to within the US. The wife would like to go to WA but only because of family reasons, she'll have to drag me kicking and screaming. The cost of living is fucking rediculous but you can't beat the weather, R&D and technology coming out of this state . The finest medical and educational institutions are here, the smartest people are here. The rest of the country and suck it, they're all just jealous.
zerocd's picture
Submitted by zerocd on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 11:44
California is New York's effeminate bingo-winged younger brother.
ekattan's picture
Submitted by ekattan on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 12:03
I don't know man, California is beautiful, but you can't say much about the people who elected The Terminator as their Governor.
darth_chibius's picture
Submitted by darth_chibius on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 12:14
@ Ekattan i'd say we have better taste in action heroes than the state who elected Jesse Ventura, you ever seen predator?
H2Daddy's picture
Submitted by H2Daddy on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 12:15
You boys need to get out a little bit. Come visit me in Tennessee and you will forget all about California. No hillbilly jokes damnit! :)
ripend_turmoil's picture
Submitted by ripend_turmoil on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 12:20
Houston, TX - We some bad mutha fuckers round hur...Cali is like Janet Reno SON! NASTY AS FUCK!
ekattan's picture
Submitted by ekattan on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 12:23
@ Chibi, No fucking way, Ventura carried the barrel gun. Fucking coolest character in the movie with one of the coolest and most cliche lines eva ".....ain't got time to bleed". Ventura > Arnold.
MikeTheKnife's picture
Submitted by MikeTheKnife on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 12:24
Anyone who has to talk so much about how great their state is, is only trying to convince themself :D
TheDastard's picture
Submitted by TheDastard on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 12:30
People move to California...businesses move out of California. Pretty soon you'll all be gardeners who claim to be aspiring actors. :)
KingDrewsky's picture
Submitted by KingDrewsky on Thu, 08/21/2008 - 12:41
Wow, Chibi. That's sounds like something Bill Maher would say. Oh wait, he did. Give credit where credit's due.

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