Some Friends, Some Drinks, Some Police and Some Crazy Guy

Some Friends, Some Drinks, Some Police and Some Crazy Guy

**Names have been changed to protect the innocent. **

If I told most of my friends that I was being disarmed next to 2 Police cars, 1 Sherriffs car and 1 Ambulance at my house at 5:30AM on a Sunday morning, their response would be something along the lines of, what did you get yourself into now?  Not that Ive ever been in trouble with the law, nor have I ever created an issue similar to thisbut, I tend to be in some peculiar situations from time to time.  *For an example, see my blog about Fayettevilles Sinister underground.

So what the heck happened?  Well it all started Saturday.  A friend of mine Frank and I are going to go out and decide that some trivia at Buffalo Wild Wings would be fun.  We decide to invite some folks, but everyone cancels at the last minute.  It ends up being Frank, his girlfriend Bambi and I.  Bambi invites her cousin, Steve, who lives in Centerton.  Hes about my age, works as a systems developer and is a generally good guy.

We go to BWW around 8pm and close them down at 12am.  Frank, Bambi and I had our fair share of drinks, but drank some water to slow down so we could drive home at close.  Steve drank a total of 2 BudLites.  Big drinker, eh? 

Once BWW closes, Im ready to head home, but Bambi really, really wants to go to Dickson.  We head to one of my favorite spots that is closed, but they are having a birthday party for a friend and we crash it.  We know most everyone, so its a good time.  We have a few more drinks, watch the roast of Pamela Anderson on Comedy Central and bust a gut. 

Again, I start drinking water (Im trying to be responsible here) and am in good condition to drive.  Frank and Bambi are in worse shape, so I tell them to ride with me and crash at my place.  Steve is on his own, I dont know him and hes probably had 2 more beers since we left BWW, but thats all.  Bambi seems to think he has had too much, so she drags him into the car with us.  I overhear a weird discussion, but it stopped quickly and I didnt pick it all up so I started driving.

From Dickson to Farmington we go and all is good.  We arrive at my place and as were getting out of the car, Steve starts saying some weird stuff.  It seems like hes starting trouble, but hes not being aggressive so I head on in and let Frank and Bambi deal with it.  On my way in, Steve bows up to Frank and they start yelling so I walk back over and separate them.  They both say everything is cool and I go on inside. 

I decided that I didnt want Pike, my Newfoundland, in the same room overnight with Steve, so I go to take her into my room.  Shes clumsy and doesnt handle the wood floor very well, so I go out around the back to take her in the patio door to my room.  While Pike and I are walking around, I hear Bambi scream crazy from the front yard.  This just flips a switch in my head and I jump across the bed, punch in the finger combination on my gun safe and grab my HK .45.  Being smart enough to not run around holding a gun, I stuff it in the back of my jeans and make for the front door. 

I jerk open the door and see Frank and Steve locked in a standing grappling.  I bolt to the car and give Steve a stiff shoulder to break them up.  Bambi is in tears and Frank is yelling at Steve, while Steve just looks really confused.   I realize theres some bigger thing going on, so I tell Bambi to go inside and surprisingly, she does.  Im walking Frank away and he is telling me what the issue is.  He says that Steve always acts weird around Bambi and now hes trying to grope her and hug her and stuff.   Of course, Bambi isnt any happier about this than Frank is, so shes upset and trying to control her cousin. 

I successfully get Frank and Bambi inside and start trying to deal with Steve.  It takes me about 5 seconds of talking to the guy before I realize he not only has a screw loose, hes missing a couple.  Delusional? Yeah. Crazy? Yeah. A threat? Probably not.  However, hes sure as heck not staying at my place, so I tell him to get in my car and that Id drive him home. 

He immediately refuses and tries to run inside, so I restrain him and rip him away from the house.  I push him out in the yard and try to explain that Im a friend and that I just want to get him home.  He looks me straight in the face and says, I dont even know who you are. 

Im like, Steve, we drank all night together, I gave you a ride here and now Ill give you a ride home. 

He doesnt respond at all.  So I say, What kind of music do you like? 

Anything but country! He responds. 

That fits well with me, so I say, Ive got some great new music.  You should come listen to it.  I get in the drivers seat, open his door and start up the car.  He starts walking toward the car, so I fire up the tunes.  I hit random on my MP3 player, knowing that its almost all new Christian Rock that he never would have heard.  What starts playing?  Gavin DeGraw, the one secular artist on my  MP3 player!

He immediately takes a step back and says, Thats not new music.  I know that song!  Who are you?!?...I know you, youre with the Government.  You want to kidnap me! Then turns and starts running down the street. 

So now Ive confirmed hes a delusional paranoidwell, that or Im confused about my job. 

My choices? 

     1) I could let him run away and write it off as not my problem.
     2) I could chase after a crazy guy and hope for the best.

What did I pick?  #2 of course; I chased him down.  I could just see him walk into someone elses house and get shot.  That would suckeven for a crazy guy.

Before I caught up with him, I dumped the gun in some tall grass.  At this point I figured he was so far gone that I could take him if I needed to.  By the way, he was bigger than me and my Taekwondo is a little rusty since my last class in 3rd grade.

I caught up with him, got on the other side of him and herded him back to my yard like a sheep.  Bambi then comes out, still crying to see what is happening.  He sees her and has another episode.

Who is that? He says. 

I say, you dont know her.  His response?

Thats my wife isnt it?!?  You have my wife.  Ah, crap. 

I talk him down, but he keeps asking about his wife Bambi and their kids.  This dude is single with no kids and obviously isnt married to his cousin.  Not even in Arkansas.

At this point, hes convinced that Im out to hurt him so he starts threatening me.  He keeps stepping up to me and I keep talking him down.  I was soooo close to just waylaying this guy, tying him up and letting him sleep it off, but I restrained myself. 

He finally decides that his and my relationship isnt going anywhere, so he is now going to walk home.  Genius.  Hes 35 miles away from Centerton, doesnt even know who he is and its about 40 degrees out.  He starts walking, I try to stop him and he again calls me a Government agentI could only wish because then Id have handcuffsnot the fuzzy kind. 

I grab him and he flips out.  He starts quietly repeating, I need help, I need help, youre out to get me, I need help.  Sooooo, I think to myself, who could help himother than a zoo keeper with a heavy tranq gun?  Maybe he would trust the police, they arent Federalplus, theyd be a help to me. 

So I tell him that Im going to call the police if he doesnt relax.  He asks me to call them because he needs help from me.  Yes, hes still brilliant.  So I oblige him and call the outstanding 5mph ticket writers of Farmington.  While Im on the phone with the 9-1-1 operator, he starts trying to bow up to me again.  Im actually physically hitting him with little jabs in the chest to keep him at a distance.  The whole time the 9-1-1 operator is telling me, The police are on their way.  I ask, How far out are they?  His response? Im not sure, but theyll be there soon.  Really? Thanks.  After 3 of these responses, I realized he wasnt going to be much help, so I kindly told him that I need both hands to fight and needed to hang up.  The operator actually says OK and lets me go.

The police arrive on the scene and confirm what I had suspected.  He was wacko.  Apparently, he had a pinched nerve in his neck and had taken muscle relaxers, which didnt mix well with the BudLite.  After calling an ambulance and determining he wasnt a threat to a cab driver, we called a cab to take him home.   Guess who footed the bill for the $60 ride home?  Yep, you guessed it.