Negativity is more than just a hobby...

It's becoming a way of life lately. I have a good job doing something I enjoy, I make good money...I won't give figures but is more than I ever thought I would make. But I AM so tired. My high point today was writing my mortgage payment out which left me a grand total of 230dollars in my checking account because we had to have ALL THAT food that no one ate at the party last weekend.

But what I am wondering is when did my life change? At what point was it that I found it was easier to be in a general negative mood than to be in a good mood. It just seems like it takes so much less energy to be grumpy than to be happy. I would love to be pessemistic and say that is because I am fatigued, that if I got some rest and relaxed I would feel better, but this is not a recent development in my psyche...I have a deep underlying desire to be negative.

I have a great sense of humor I think, but its on the dark side of life. My fiance' loves me, her son loves me, and I love them both beyond words and I really am comfortable with them and they make me feel satisfied with my life. I have the house I wanted, I have the family I wanted. I have a job I want. But when did my life take a turn towards the appeal of negativity.

The dark side has me in its grip...yess...

It was probably in highschool. Yeah, I'll take that easy out.

Don't get m e wrong people this is not a descriptive dissertation on depression. I am not depressed. Just a negative sarcastic bastard, probably much like yourselves. If you see someone fall down do you not chuckle.... Although I have gotten a chuckle over imaging punching people I pass in the street in the face. Ahh..good times there. But I am of course not a violent person...but damn I would love to just punch a old lady in the face sometime when she cuts me off in the market with her cart....WHAM...granny glasses go flying.....ahhh...(settle down people, its a joke)

Its a good thing we have these games we play, imaging all this unchecked aggression that we have as a culture going without a outlet?

I would hate to imagine the trouble we would be in without them.

Aren't you?