Snap!, there goes my sanity.

Automan21k

Shared on Wed, 09/21/2011 - 13:38

We had a minor consolidation of offices last week, and I know moving to a new office and undergoing massive changes to your routine can be hard…..but seriously people, between Tony who talks to himself, and Chris’s government conspiracies we have enough nuts in this office as it is. Now they mix in an entirely new, independent group and things are just falling apart. Here are a few things I have noticed from these 48 new faces…..

 
1.       One of their Directors smells like death mixed with rotten pickles (yes she is a department head). You can smell her before you see her.   She has already been approached several times to clean up, each time telling them that they have to go through proper channels, that her choice to not bathe has been approved by her supervisor as part of her religon and nothing can be done to overturn that ruling.   Just hearing someone say that has me squirming as to what illnesses and bugs are breeding just 30 yards away.   We are in talks to have a universal set of rules written for the office that will include this new command structure, and proper hygiene is #1 on the list. I can still smell it.  It’s like someone hid a dead body and a couple dozen rotten eggs in the veltelation system and turned on the heat!
 
2.       The button pushers.   We have 2 underground parking levels, 4 above ground parking levels and 5 levels of offices, when people wait for an elevator “normal people” push the “up” button to go up.   Not these people, being new to this building they will argue that you have to push the “down” button to bring the elevator down.   Then when an elevator does show up they jump on and start mashing buttons. I have asked about this and apparently someone who heard from someone who had a kid whose friend worked on an elevator once told them about this button combination that will cause any elevator to automatically go to a specified floor while skipping every other floor even if their buttons have been pushed.   I have watched them do this for a full week now and every time the elevator doesn’t go straight to the 9th floor they get this very confused look on their face and just start mashing buttons again. Now I understand that their last building didn’t have an elevator, but what kind of retard doesn’t know how to work and elevator. I have even tried to tell one of them that it won’t work, she responded with “what are you, some kind of elevator expert?, just because you didn’t think of it doesn’t mean you can tell us it doesn’t work.”   I made the argument that if someone needed to override the elevator they would use the override key all of the elevators have. She told me to “shut up and keep my stupid comments to myself.”   I made a comment about an old cow and how menopause can make old women say crazy things that may or may not have been directed at her.
 
3.       The mailroom noobs. We have a relatively small mail room in our office.   There are no full time employees working there, and there is even a sign that says you must file your own mail into each region’s bin.   So, there were a large number of people complaining that no one has come around to pick up their outgoing mail. So an email was sent out to them notifying them that they have to take their own mail to the mailroom. The collective ghasp that came from that section upon learning that a service that they did not have in their last office, still is not offered here. You would have thought the world was coming to an end.   So, they have been taking their mail to the mailroom….and leaving it in a giant pile on and arround a bin that they put a sticky note on that says “out”.   Today they realized that the couriers who come to pick up the mail have cleverly not fallen for the “please sort my mail for me because I’m lazy” trap, and their mail remains in a giant pile, unsorted and unsent.
 
4.       The coffee fiends. Again with the “how dumb can you be”; there has been a sharp decline in the coffee funds for the office.   Our coffee fund is managed by the employees, coffee is $.25 per cup, and yet they argue that they don’t have to pay for coffee because no one told them that they had to during their orientation. Now I may work on contracts all day looking for loopholes to close, but when I see a coffee maker with a sign on it that says “coffee;.$0.25 per cup” and a jar with the same sign on it, one would assume that coffee is not free, and that such a sign constitutes a rather solid case that if you take coffee that you owe the coffee fund.
 
5.       The bathroom sitters.   For some reason there are 3 guys who hang out in the bathroom.  Not that I’m paying attention to bathroom times but every time I have been in there, they are there, standing by the sink and talking about who knows what.   My boss and 2 others have confirmed that they are in there almost every time they go in as well. Now, I’m all for sticking it to the man and taking a little extra time in the can, but seriously, it is not a conference room (which are also always occupied thanks to their need to have staff meetings each morning, and larger staff meeting once a week. 
 
I would make a hopeful wish for the future of this group, but they seem like the sort who will only continue to degrade.
 
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Comments

Rau's picture
Submitted by Rau on Wed, 09/21/2011 - 16:48
It reminds me of Spaceballs... Who is in charge of these assholes? I am, Major asshole. You already know it, you are surrounded by assholes.
JPNor's picture
Submitted by JPNor on Wed, 09/21/2011 - 18:47
I can empathize with the stinker. I had a sales girl who I had to place on suspension because of her personal hygiene. It wasn't a religious thing, she was just filthy. Most uncomfortable meeting ever.
NorthernPlato's picture
Submitted by NorthernPlato on Wed, 09/21/2011 - 18:58
Isn't unemployment high? Fire'em all and find good workers.
pp2's picture
Submitted by pp2 on Tue, 10/04/2011 - 08:51
Yeah, and here I sit still out of work while these pieces of crap are drawing paychecks. Ah well, no one ever said life was fair.
jwbeck's picture
Submitted by jwbeck on Wed, 09/21/2011 - 13:52
You should send this in to NBC.... Sounds like a great episode of "The Office"....

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