75 followers…and a bit of golf.

But the topic that helped put me over was one about Golden Tee, and the discussion started getting to golf….ah, golf….the gentleman’s sport…the business man’s sport…the only sport that I can’t play…

 

Yes, I’ve done football and baseball Softball, I was captain of the wrestling team, I do Lawn bowling and regular bowling…I’ve played darts, jarts, pool, and polo. Skeet, Skiing, Track and cross country… Ping Pong, Tennis, boxing, martial arts, paintball, hunting, fishing, and SCUBA diving,….really, I was quite the sports nut….so when I was 18, I decided to give golf a shot…

 

I went to my uncle, our family’s master of everything that is golf….he measured me, my grip, my stance…and he set me up with one of his older sets of clubs…what he referred to as semi-inexpensive, later I found out was as much as we spent for our new SUV…so off I go to the range to try my luck at hitting a little ball with a long odd shaped club…I played baseball, and softball, so really how hard could it be to hit this little ball with this big ugly stick…yeah….

So I’m looking over this collection of sticks…their goofy little numbers….so I figure why not, I’ll start at the beginning…..I pick up a big ugly driver with a “1” on it, after all, first hit, first club….right?

 

Swing number one; I hear a satisfying *crack*, like an old wooden bat creaming the crap out of a baseball, all those other guys at the range could only manage a little *plink* as they were hitting their balls, so I’m REALLY excited…..I’m looking for the ball…. I can’t find it….I know I hit it, I felt it hit, I knew I should have looked up and ignored that whole “keep your head down” crap I would have seen where it went..….where’s the stupid ball??!?! And I suddenly notice I’m the only one looking down range, the other 15-20 people there are all staring at me like I just took a crap in the pope’s hat and squashed it back on his head…then the guy closest to me bursts out laughing as did a few others…..just great…how could they possibly know that this was my first time hitting a golf ball…and what did I do wrong?!?

 

The guy finally stops laughing at me long enough to ask me if I was missing something…like an idiot I say yes, I can’t see where my ball went….he laughs even harder….and points to my feet…yeah I felt like the dumbest person in the world…there at my feet was the stupid ball….still sitting on the tee…mocking me….

 

I look at the guy and said, “but I could have sworn I hit something”   he said, yes you did, we all heard it….why don’t you take another “crack” at it…

Yeah, I’m not going to let some overly dense ping pong ball beat me. So I get into position again, line up my shot and suddenly realized I AM missing something….yeah, I still have my club, the grip, the stick….but I’m missing the goofy little metal thing that should be at the other end of my stupid little stick….all I can say is “what the hell?!” I finally ask the guy where it went, and he has to sit down he was laughing so hard….

 

yeah, my first golf drive was a respectable 200 yards….it’s a shame that’s how far the club head flew after I bashed it into the concrete beside my goofy little plot of fake grass….while the ball barely shuttered on it’s little rubber tee…..

 

so, I packed everything up, drove back to my Uncle’s house to apologize for breaking his club, (his $1,500 Driver) and all I got was more laughing….yeah, I told him what happened….apparently he forgot to tell me not to use THAT driver because he just shortened it ½ an inch and the glue needed 2 days to set up, afterall, who would really use a #1 driver on their first time to a range...yeah I wonder who….so, I gave him back the clubs, said thanks, and went home with the goal of never talking about it ever again…. but what was the point, by the time I got home I had several messages from family laughing at my tragic encounter with my first golfing trip(yes he called my grandmother who told EVERYONE)….and up until 2 years ago, I hadn’t touched another club…then against my better judgment I let someone talk me into driving a few balls when we were staying at a bed and breakfast…I did hit a few into the lake at 210-250 yards away, but really, after that first trip, I don’t’ think I’ll ever do that in public ever again…

 

Next time I may tell you all the story about me, the funnel cake, and the friendly, but not too friendly, squirrel… my wife and my mother still laugh hysterically at the thought of that story

 

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