Peace (and quiet) in the middle east

Here's the plan... (yes I know it has holes, but come on folks, dream a little dream)

The leaders of every country all over the world have the same fetish, they lay awake at night, dreaming their perverse dream and furiously rubbing their woefully inadequate little dicks. The very inadequacy that drove them to positions of power in the first place.

They have something to prove, they want the power of the Gods, the ultimate status symbol, the worlds largest cock.

They want the nuke.

So, we give them one. One for every country in the middle east, sort of like a gift from big brother America. These nukes come with a set of rules.

1. Everyone gets a list of who got nukes. This is not a bluffing game.

2. We pack our boys and our toys up and bring them home, from now on the bombs do all our talking.

3. Since Israel has so many enemies, they get 3 nukes to keep things even. Don't like it? Too fucking bad, these are our gifts and we can give them to whoever we fucking please and we don't have to explain ourselves to you! Be thankful that we gave you ONE.

3. These nukes will be in sealed, tamper proof containers. If you try to open the container for any reason, we detonate your nuke. No circumventing the rules.

4. Each country will have the ability to detonate their own bomb by remote control, whenever they wish. (duh)

5. Each nuke has a small amount of a unique radioactive isotope as well as the uranium. When that nuke goes off, the isotope shows up in the fallout and tells the world who set off their bomb. "Hey everybody! Syrias nuke just went off in Saudi Arabia!"

6. Each nuke has a GPS unit in it, and we track their locations at all times. Any attempt to deliver the bomb to the U.S. or one of our bases and we detonate your nuke before it gets there.

7. Nukes have altimiters and can't be put on planes or rockets. You do and we detonate your nuke. They must be delivered to their targets by ground. This rule is important for creating stability in the region. It keeps the bombs in the area where they will do the most good.

What we now have is a bunch of countries who hate each other that now have WMDs', However, using their bomb will leave them defenseless against attack. Everyone hardens their borders and hunkers down, waiting for someone else to make a move. A huge Mexican standoff ensues in the region. Skirmishes and disputes that have gone on for decades fall silent from the fear that they may escalate to the use of nukes. THE FIGHTING IS OVER!!! and an uneasy peace breaks out, hopefully forever.

Peace through paralyzing fear, one of the few things people understand. It kept us from open warfare with Russia. And being afraid is better than being dead.

Of course, there is the possibility that some whack job is in control of one of the countries and he straps his bomb to a camel and sneaks it into his neighbors part of the sand box, for whatever reason he thinks makes sense. Dammit do I have to think of everything myself? It's not a perfect plan, but I'm willing to give it a shot. Even if it fails I see it as an opportunity for people (who survive the explosion and fallout, and rioting, and general lawlessness) to learn that violence isn't the answer. More likely they would just continue to blame each other and hate and strive for revenge... just like we would if the roles were reversed.

In that case just let the fucking bastards burn, God, I hate people.

In case anyone is wondering, I'm not racist, I hate everyone equally.

I just don't see the need to give nukes to countries in stable areas. I mean, what the hell is Switzerland gonna do with the bomb?

Getting back on track, if we give them real nukes and they use them, the region turns into one big semi molten sheet of radioactive glass. The other option is to give them all dummy nukes, kind of like what happened in The Mouse that Roared, and hope no one figures it out or tries to use theirs. Can you imagine, the leader of some little country going on T.V., all fire and brimstone about how his people were going to strike at the heart of their neighboring enemy country with their nuke in a matter of minutes....minutes pass, no explosion. More minutes pass...no Earth shattering kaboom...he starts to look nervous.... breaks out in a cold flop sweat and coughs nervously...It'd be a great practical joke... I'd laugh, and I think most of America is just sick enough to laugh too. It"s reality T.V. taken to the next level.

Nothings gonna change, people don't learn.