World of Warcraft Anonymous

Dear consoler,

I have a friend who has succumbed to sin.  He spends his days and nights thinking about Shamens, Taurens, and how best to get blue drops.  He has an uncanny ability to substitute real food for virtual mana.  It is as if he has literally gone into a world all his own...a world of azeroth.  RL friends are no longer needed because he has his guild to instance with.

How can one forget his friends so that he can spend two more ours online with this guild?  How bad can it get?  Will he lose his job and end up on the side of the street, unkempt, with a sign that says "will blow for a blue drop" or "will work for rares."  Maybe hell begin donating blood and sperm in order to pay his monthly fees?

I would like to dedicate this poem in his honor, hoping that someday he will break free from his bonds of slavery and walk away from sweet Azeroth in order to have relationships with friends, family, and some of the female persuasion:

I spend each day thinking of WoW,
What blue drops did I pickup now?
My roomate wants me to go out into light,
He tells me this WoW thing aint right,

My long hair look much like a hippie,
But my toon is kicking ass and dinged level sixty,
What is so special about getting laid?
Is it half as good as a dungeon raid?

The Auction house is where it is at,
My coffers are getting fat,
I now have the best looking mount,
And more money than I can sit and count,

This game is anything but lame,
Its got qualities similar to cocain,
No prozac is needed for me,
I dont drink so I dont have to pee,

Food is totally overrated,
Mana will keep me satiated,
I have no need for a bath,
I now have a Rachet flight path!

My schedule is full with hot dates,
The best you can have with a $15/mo. rate,
A candle lit dinner and some incense,
To share with a 10 man instance!

-- A tribute to Bliznot
   We love you man, even if you are a WoW douchenozzle