Tom Haverfoods
My friend and I got high and watched some Parks and Recreation
Aziz Ansari plays a character Tom Haverford and comes up with the best food slang ever.
Apples = Teacher Candy
Crackers = Lame Cookies
English Muffins = Brit Bagels
Mountain Dew = Halo Powerup
Sprinkles = Rainbow Rice for Milky Ice
Combos = Dank Pretzels
Cannolis = Creamy Canoes, Cream-filled Criminals or Holy Holies
Pork Chops = Oink Steaks
Ice Cream = Milk on the Rocks
Espresso = Sippy Sippy Wake Wake
Meatball Subs = Sunken Battleships
Pork Rinds = Busta Rinds
Pork = Notorious P.I.G.
Gatorade = Better Faster Stronger Water
Celery = Calorie Placebo or Celery Duff or Celery Swank or Celery Clinton
Pizza = Gangsta Bread
Asparagus = Pee Cologne
Pickles = Hulk Wieners
BBQ Ribs = Porksicles
Mashed Potatoes = Stomach Spackle
Raisins = Old Ass Grapes
Grapes = Teenage Raisins
Coctail Wieners = Lil Bow Wows
Shrimp = Tiny Ass Lobster
Jumbo Shrimp = Biggie Smalls
Hot Wings = Lil' Flapperz
Water = Hot Ice
Selzter = Tickle Water
Funyuns = Stank Rings
Tofu = Nature Sponges
Milk = Cereal Sauce
Cheerios = Lil' Life Preservers
Honey = Bear Drool
Spoons = Scoop a Loops
Forks = Food Rakes
Grilled Cheese = Cheesy Flip Flips
Bacon = Kevin Bacon
Animal Crackers = Mini Mascots
Soup = Liquid Lunch
Guacamole = Mexican Mashed Potatoes, Gucci Mane or Guaca Guaca Flame
Doritos = Do Ri Ris
Nutella = Bust a Nut
Lasagna = Lazy Gaga
Gummy Bears = Chewy Cubs
Popcorn = Mini 'Fro's or Kernal Sanders
Fruit Loops = Proud Cheerios
Light Beer = Funky Soda
Root Beer = Super Water
Potato Skins = Spuds on the Half Shell
Chili Dogs = Cold Puppies
Muffins = Naked Cupcakes
Brussel Sprouts = Cabbage Patch Kids
40oz's = Malt Whitmans
Toast = Hard Bread
Ketchup = Kanye Blood
Dumplings = Lil' Surprises
Lemonade = LL Cool Ade
Leftovers = Deja Food
Biscuits = Butter Boats
Burgers = Moo Pies
Gum = Chew Chew Trains
Cookies = Tiny Ass Cakes
Cakes = Big Ass Cookies
Chips = Flat Fries
Oysters - Babymakers
Reese's Pieces = Alien Bait
Beer = Punky Brewsters
Desserts = 'Zerts
Entrees = Trey Treys
Sandwiches = Sammys, Sandoozles, or Adam Sandlers
Noodles – Long Ass Rice
Fried Chicken = Fry Fry Chikie Chik
Chicken Parm = Chikie Chikie Parm Parm
Chicken Catetorie = Chikie Catch
Eggs = Pre Birds or Future Birds
Tortillas = Bean Blankies
Have a great weekend 2o2p!
- Me