So I found a blog from May 2004............

Wow. I just stumbled upon some disturbing yet funny shit. I had totally forgotten about this but years ago I used to blog on msn spaces. To my surprise all my old blogs are still there. This is from when I was a single dude living on fuck all for a wage and getting blacked out drunk everyday. Anyways this cracked me up after reading it today and I thought I would share it with everyone. It is from May of 2004. Here it is in it's unedited entirety:

No Toilet Paper Brings Pain

So, I ran out of toilet paper about 3 days ago. I havent really been home much so I keep forgetting that there is none left and when I am out I forget to pick any up. Another thing is, and this is gonna sound bad, but I am too broke to be able to even buy any asswipe. How pathetic is that, all I have 25 cents to my name right now. So, I have had to make do and use paper towel as a substitute. Now this might not seem all that bad if it was for like a one time deal, but repeated toilet paper wipings can have some bad results, especially with all the drinking I do. It has gotten to the point where it hurts to wipe and even dab. When the dab is gone you have nothing left my friends. Nothing. So this is a plea to everyone out there. Anyone. Someone. If you have any kind of a heart please donate me a roll, or I will even come and pick one up. I prefer 2 ply, but at this point you cant be that picky, because as of 20 minutes ago i used the last shred of paper towel. Things are looking bleak and there are no rations insight. I am down to scraps of paper and random receipts that are laying around. Please help me. It hurts to fart.

Thx,

Jeremy