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Saying Goodbye...

R
Rippr_Fynn

I believe that everyday and situation brings about a lesson, an understanding, or new truth that we can bring with us on our everyday life.


In a selfish way, today was more than that.


Today, myself and a few of my co-workers drove 90 miles to say goodbye to our boss, let's call him Bob.  Bob had been our boss for a while now.  We had gotten to know him in the way that most of us know or bosses.  Bob had moved down from the Chicago area to NW Arkansas to assume his position with the company about two years ago.  Several years before that, he had been diagnosed with renal cancer and had to have one of his kidneys removed.  About 2 months ago Bob, got sick.  He went to the doctor and learned that his cancer had came back, and had spread throughout his lymphatic system.  In his words, he had been given his "death sentence".


He's been getting various treatments since then.  None to cure him, but to just extent his life.  He's dropped most of his weight during these treatments, and grown very weak.


Today, we made the trip north to help him pack up his apartment to move back to Chicago.  Everyone was invited, and thankfully about 12 people showed up to help.  There wasn't much to do when we got there.  His family had been working on it for quite some time.  I'm not very good with most of this stuff, but it slowly dawned on me that we weren't going up there to help him move.  He wanted to see us.  He wanted to see us one last time while he still had the strength to address us as a man.


We went out to eat at a BBQ place no one had ever been to before.  We had one of those overlapping conversations that big gatherings normally have.  I noticed Bob going from person to person talking.  When he was next to me, he didn't ask me how work was going.  He asked me how my family was doing, and how much my daughter had grown.


After about 30-45 minutes, Bob quietly asked to speak to all of us.  He addressed us from his chair that was somewhat situated in the center of the group, because he was too weak to stand.  Bob said words that for the purpose of this blog don't need to be repeated.  The message was basically a farewell with the understanding that we would never see him again.  I think he said the things he needed to say to us, and I think we heard his message.  Then he told us he was too weak to continue on visiting with us.


We got up and took a group photo with his wife's camera.  I was standing there with this stupid grin on my face even though I didn't feel like smiling.  I just did it for what I knew would be later.  I hoped that in the final months of his life he could pull out that photo and just remember that conversations we all had that day, and not the reason for the meeting.


As the group started to disperse, everyone found there way to Bob to shake his hand and say last thing before he had to go.  This was probably the thing I worried over most of the day.  What do you say?  How do you sum up in three seconds what will be the last words you ever say to a dying man?  When I found myself in front of him, all I could manage was to shake his hand, grab his arm, look him in the eye for all of one second, and say "Thank you".  That's all I could manage without crying, and crying was the last thing I wanted to do.  I felt like a coward.  We drove the 90 miles back home in silence.


Sitting here at the end of the day, I have to find a reason for it all.  I believe in God, but I believe that he sets us on a path and lets us go our own way.  So, I'm not  going to go push a religious message.  I think back to what Bob asked me.  He didn't care how work was going even though all of our relationship had been just that.  He wanted to know how my family life was doing.  I think in the end it is about family and the relationships we keep with everyone we meet in a given day.  I think when we reach the end of our days we will look back not on everything we've done, but the company we've kept.  And at the end, we will cling those people close to use and hope we've touched those lives in a positive way.


I hope I can keep that lesson in my head long enough to bring forth some sort of change in me.  That's what Bob showed me today.


God be with you, Bob.


 

Comments (4)

F
FlairFan·
Seems to me that you did exactly what you were supposed to do. My wife's doing the same with a new friend of hers - a mother of two young boys that just joined my daughter's preschool. The mom has cancer, too. In fact, it may be the same type. Very aggressive. My wife's been trying to help in any way she can. All I can do is be there for her when she comes home emotionally drained. She has the same concerns... \"what do I say or do?\". We're both pretty religious, so she just prays that the right words/actions will come. Seems to work pretty good. Bless you for your words & actions, too!\r \r Rick
F
FlairFan·
Oh, and I LOVE Portal, too (see my blog's background!). Did you notice that the toilet in the \"Relaxation Vault\" says \"Thank you for your business\" when you \"use\" it? Freekin' hilarious!
M
Mulchinator·
Don't even say you were a coward. You took a chance you were given and you said exactly what needed to be said. I'm sure this visit meant the world to him. As you say, in the end, work and stuff doesn't matter... it's friends and family... the people you touch, the people you meet at work, in life, even on 2old2play.com. You touched his life, and from that post, he obviously had a good impact on yours. Both of you are better people for it and will be forever impacted. Stay strong.
T
TANK·
Sad, just sad. I've been through that situation myself. Sounds like he had one of those pre-death funerals and why not really? IF you know you're going to go, why not get everyone together and say goodbye the way you want.\r \r But his words are true, people waste their lives sacraficing for work and their career when in the end, it doesn't mean shit. What matters are people, relationships and family.