Karina Lau
Pfc. Karina Lau sang and played clarinet and saxophone, and won awards for music and math. She dreamed of returning to school after her military service and someday setting up her own music shop. "I prayed for her every day telling her to be careful," said her mother, Ruth Lau, of Livingston, Calif. "She said she was safe. We never expected that anything would happen to her." Lau, 20, was one of 16 soldiers killed in the Nov. 2 downing of a helicopter carrying troops home on leave. Lau attended the University of Pacific on a music scholarship before joining the Army in January 2002. She received training as a radio operator at Fort Hood during boot camp before she was deployed to Iraq at the beginning of the war. Just a few hours before boarding the helicopter, Lau sent an e-mail to her half-sister, Martha Rivera. "Don't worry," it read. "I'll be careful."
I remember Lau mostly from when we were in Kuwait. I was sitting outside of the post exchange one night before moving into Iraq. I was waiting for me turn to go into the store when Lau walked up and asked if she could stand with me. We got into a discussion about life and expectations. She wanted so badly to open her own music club.
A few weeks later we all hooked up again. this time outside of Fallujah. My team and SGT Meeks team were joined. Lau ended up working for me. This went on for a few months. Did we get along? Not so much. I am a stickler for discipline, Lau was a free spirit, (read not ready for army life). She and I bumbed heads a few times.
The last time I saw Lau, she was crying. I had told her that she would not make it in the Army. She was so quiet. I remeber her tears.
My team left a few hours later, we moved to the Syrian border. about a month later I was waiting for some instructions when my section Sergeant came out. He showed up later in the evening. I was pissed off that I had to wait so long. I asked him why t took him so long to fly out with our radio frequencys. He said "Lau's aircraft is missing".
I thought he was fucking with me.
It was not until later when we heard over the Battalion net radio that 2 aircraft had been shot down.
Lau was going on leave. She had spent 6 months in country and was going home to tell her parents that she was getting engaged.
Her aircraft was shot down travelling from Al Asad Iraq to Kuwait so that she could go home.
I spoke with one of the first soldiers to make it to the crash site,I asked them what it was like.
He told me that nothing in the world would have prepared him for the things he saw that day. He remembers seeing Laus body on the aircraft. She was broke in half. Bent backwards at the waist. The only way he identified her was by her name tape on he uniform.
She was 20 years old.
She played the Saxaphone.
I made her cry.
I wish she was still here.
Comments (38)
I have to agree with Durty. There isn't much I can say or do. There is no paltry comment that I can offer that wouldn't seem insensitive, or somehow political.\r
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Think good thoughts about her, and let her rest in peace.\r
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SC
There is no way that you could have known about her aircraft being shot down. Rest yourself now and think of her as playing her sax for The Great One.
Heavy shit man. I have no idea the kind of shit you military men and women go through. God Bless.
I say fuck all that. You were doing your job. Discipline in the military is there for a reason, if she was a slacker, it was somebody's job to set her straight. Bleeding hearts don't belong in a battle zone.\r
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Every person that joins the military is aware of the commitment they're making. She put herself in that situation...
She obvious liked you since she confided in you the way she did. I am sure she understood that the way you treated her was only to make her a better soldier.
That is heavy. We all at some point lose someone and think hey maybe I shouldn't have said or done that. My Dad and I had a huge fight days before he died. This type of stuff is hard but the best we can hope for is that they understood and forgave us.\r
On a side not some of the profs. I respect the most are the honest ones even when what they said is hard to hear. Because she confided in you she at least respected you. That is really all I can say other than I am sorry that this happened.
I'm not really sure what so say. That's horrible. You can't feel bad for what you said to her. There is no way you can live your life with regrets like that. You were honest and upfront. \r
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This week I lost a family member unexpectedly. In hindsight I wonder what I could have done. Things I could have said. When people are here we take them for granted.
Batt,\r
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I know that you have been keeping this in for a while now. Looking back, it is always easy to find fault in our words or actions - but you were doing your job and that was to make sure the people under your command did theirs, because it is life and death. The fact that you listened to her, and yes, even yelled at her was a testament to what a good person you are. You cared enough to do both. You can't change what happened nor blame yourself for the events that day. Please know that if you need to talk or just vent you have friends here that are willing to help.\r
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Thank you for opening up and sharing this, I hope it helps ease any pain you have.\r
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PMA
You can never feel bad for what you said when you were around her. \r
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It's the same thing as when someone laments over not telling someone they love \"I love you\" before they meet their maker. The person knows you cared. \r
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I think the same applies here as you may have bumped heads, but she still sounds like you were friends to some extent. \r
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You'll always wish she was still here, but treasure the fact that you knew her.\r
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I know you're going to be going back there soon, so please get home safe.
Unfortunately that's part of the shit sandwich we all take a bite of. You had no way of knowing, and it sounds like you were just doing your job. \r
Drive on Sergeant! Not your fault. Try not to let it weight on your mind so heavy.
War's cost can't be measured in dollars. I hope you find a way to move past the toll its taken on you. Let us know if we can do anything.
hey man, her and her family as well as all of you that served with her should be proud to have known her, and that she served our country proudly in any capacity\r
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hang in there bro, glad you got this off your chest
Durty probably best expressed my thoughts, but I just want you to know that you did what was right for your position and relationship with her. It may have been harsh but she probably accepted it for what it was and respected it. This will probably be part of who you are for the rest of your life. Remember the good and try to come to peace with the bad.\r
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Thank you for including us in your life.
hey man, not everyone is cut out for military life, and even some of those cut out for military life aren't cut out for war. she fell into that category. she just wasn't war-time material. that's not your fault, or really hers for that matter. it just is. no blame, no fault, no shame in it. and you were just doing your job, trying to get her and everyone else you were/are responsible for home alive and in one piece. she knew that.\r
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unfortunately, everyone on the copter had their time in this world cut short, but they are with God, or Allah, or Buddha, or whoever they were going to meet when they left this place. right now they're looking down, happy and peaceful in their version of heaven, trying not to worry too much about the mistakes we make, or the pain and fear we have to deal with, and waiting for the rest of us to join them. so don't burden your soul with more regrets, worries, or blame than you can rightly say is your own. \r
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you do the best you can, make the people under your care and command the best they can be and make sure that as many of them as possible get home to their loved ones. if you can do that, then you have nothing to be sorry for, or ashamed about, or regret. that in itself is a tall order.
Can we tell you that you shouldn't feel guilty, sure we can....is that going to stop the way it feels? nope.\r
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You were doing your job. That's all. Bosses in all fields say the same things to employees all the time, regaurdless of place, position or duty. \r
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If she was working in a office and you told her she wasn't good at making photocopies, and then she was killed in a accident or shooting on the way home, it still wouldn't be your fault.\r
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Stay strong, remember her for the good things she was and did and wanted, and that's really all any of us can ask from others when we pass on.
Man, that's a tough situation. We've all done things and said things we wish we could take back. No matter how you analyze it, there's nothing here you could have forseen or prevented. What you said at the time, for all we know, was correct. It's a hard life, miltary life is even harder. It's a shitty situation no doubt but you shouldn't beat yourself up. Instead, just remember her and the sacrifice she made, she lived, and died, with honor.
Being a soldier in a war would be incredibly tough enough, but I can't imagine being in the position of someone on the field of battle who is not only responsible for keeping themselves alive, but all of those under you as well. I imagine if you care about keeping them alive you must also keep them as disciplined as possible, for their own safety. \r
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You couldn't let yourself feel guilty for disciplining your child when they do something that they shouldn't, because ultimately your doing it for their own good and safety. I think what you did was probably done with this same mindset.\r
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It sounds like she was a very nice person, who just needed some direction and all you did was try to help to keep her safe.\r
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There's nothing I admire more than you military men and women, out there fighting for our freedoms. I hope my comment helps in some way, hang in there man.
You're welcome, M. I think a lot of people, quite honestly, don't know what to say....it took me a few minutes. Trying to say something comforting to you, when there really isn't anything one can say is tough. \r
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Please know that you are a good man, a good leader and a good soldier; what you said and did, you said and did [u]because[/u] you are, not because you aren't. You may not have gotten along all the time, but that is the nature of one in command and one who is subordinate. Yes, you made her cry being the 'boss', but you also listened to her as a confidant and friend, and I'm sure she respected and appreciated both sides of you. \r
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Much Luv, M, and more hugs, too.
Man, you've experienced some heavy stuff, no question, more than most of us can relate to. \r
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For most of us the only words we can offer are from the outside perspective looking in. \r
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You probably have lots of questions about why did this happen, why didn't it happen this way etc. -those questions will always be present. The real question is how will these experiences you've had form your future and more importantly how will they change you. The mourning and the pain will always be there. Will you be a better person because of these experiences? Will you appreciate more how short our lives are? Will you appreciate more the influence you may have on others you meet? Will you live your life better? Those are the questions that make a difference. \r
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Thanks for sharing your life with us man, I think you are helping us all realize the importance of our lives more.\r
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Carry on man.
Responded in the forum man, sorry it took so long but I haven't been on the boards all day until now.
Man, thats a heavy burden you have put on your shoulders. Having been in the military, I have seen people that well, just shouldn't have made the choice to enlist. Maybe she knew your words to her were true, that she was not meant to be a soldier and this was why she was emotional about it. Maybe if the aircraft would have made it out, she would have tried to get out or reassigned, or maybe apply herself to be a stronger soldier. Point is there are a lot of maybes in this life and none of us really know when our time will come up. It was her time (RIP). I think you being honest with her was the best thing you could have done for her or anyone else, even though it caused her tears, I believe it would have and did make her stronger The fact her aircraft was downed was not your fault and there was no way you could have know that, or she could have known that. \r
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I'm sure she is watching from above and hoping you don't carry this pain for her loss any longer. \r
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Take Care Troop\r
Everyone I know of have always had someone make them \"tow the line\", no matter what connection they may have to you in Family, school, work or service they are there. You my friend have done no wrong, things were set in motion that bare no outcome of your input and association with Lau. I'm sure that this Lady had respect for you, it doesnt mean she liked the \"tough love\" so to speak then or now but I bet she took it to heart and grew from it. Having compassion for a fallen friend/comrade is normal, sharing these feelings so others can pray for their Family and friends closure is admireable. I'm sure this is tough for you, hoping the many comments here might help heal this wound for you. Hang in there man, R.
Try to not feel bad about it dude. I'm sure if you knew what was going to happen, you would've stopped all 16 of those people from getting onto that chopper or even prevented it from taking off.\r
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Thank you for sharing this with us, it must have been torture holding it in for so long. I hope your letting it out has brought at least some relief for you! And thank you for putting your ass on the line to defend our freedom and way of life!
i cried the other day, i ran out of Cocoa Puffs
Honestly, I remember them all. Klaas, who stepped on a landmine, Kleine (little) John, who got crushed between a wall and a Leopard2 (stupid motorpool accident), Gertjan who got shot flat in the chest.., and more people left and right not necessarily in my unit, or friendly militaries.\r
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20 fucking years make for a list I rather not write up to full conclusion. The more important ones visit me often still.\r
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Consider this, in death Lau is more real to you than she was alive. You won't forget her and that alone made her special and gave her life meaning, in a way.\r
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Only this: Make sure you're not grieving because it's her who payed the highest respect to her country and not you.