Airing of Grievances

 I know Festivus has come and gone but I wanted to share some stuff that bothers me:

1) Warm toilet seats. I hate sitting down to take care of business while basking in someone else's body heat.

2) People snickering when they discover that I like The Powerpuff Girls. Can't a grown man watch a cartoon without having folks laugh about it. And own a Powerpuff Girl lunchbox. And a Mojo Jojo doll. And a coin bank. And some Forza liveries. Hey, fuck you! I can hear you giggling from here...and that's just wrong. I will beat you with my Powerpuff Girls coin bank...because I don't want to dent the lunchbox.

3) Americanization of foreign names. There is a Japanese guy at work who calls himself "Nick." Nick is not his given name, he calls himself that so he doesn't have to repeat his unpronouncable real name several times a day. I say to hell with that. Make those bitches struggle through it and ignore them if they mispronounce a single syllable. I knew a guy names Luis Arguellez who went by his last name because it is hard for Texans to pronounce correctly...that guy was funny, Nick is not.

4) My dog's constant attempts to guilt me into sharing my dinner with him. I am not about to share tacos or a ham sandwich with my Basset Hound, however the dog's previous owner must have fed him from the table because I get sad eyes every time I sit down to eat. No pizza for you! You have to wait for pork chops or ribs, my little perro caliente.

5) People who do not like Joe T Garcia's. Some sawed-off Gerber baby looking motherfucker at work told me that my favorite Mexican place was "not authentic" and talked my lunch buddies into eating at a place called "Lupe's." Lupe's is a Tex-Mex cafe and they tried to dump chile con carne on my enchiladas. How the fuck is that authentic? Where is that guy from where chili is "authentic" fucking mexican food? If I want chili poured on something I'll go to the ballpark..if I want real enchiladas, I'll go to Joe T's...thanks for the hot fucking lunch tip, loser!