You've chosen a road I never thought of: light and dark, back to back.

"In this place, to find is to lose and to lose is to find.... to lose and claim anew, or to claim anew only to lose."  This has been written on my heart lately, both by force & by will. This past week, one of my friends/coworkers killed his wife then killed himself. Another friend, a police officer, responded to the call. I'm heartbroken, but not because a friend & gaming companion is gone... he left behind an 11-year-old daughter. Naturally, thoughts of mortality & the fragility of life abound, and I'm reminded to value the people in my life, not taking them for granted. My mom is still around. My sister took me in earlier this year to keep me out of a volatile living situation (and for me to help with the kids), while my new place was in preparations. My brother/best friend just moved back home from Florida. I need to look at these amazing people & feel like the luckiest motherfucker alive.

I also got to a point (recently) where I looked at my gaming & said "Fuck it!"   Playing whatever I was bombarded with invites to play, dealing with assholes & their bullshit dramas, Basically, one day I cast off some dead weight - traded some games in, cut ties with some people. Gaming is my pasttime, my stress relief, and at times my biggest social outlet. And those "losses" weren't losses at all, but opportunities to love gaming again. I'm playing what I want to play, enjoying the people I want to game with. And it's made all the difference.

I had more shit to add, but it's not making any fucking sense once I get it out... meaning, time for bed. Shit, it's 2am & I have to be up in 4 hours. But that's pretty much my story lately, losing & letting go only to gain & restore.

Later.