When Off-Colored Remarks Attack!

So, the other day, my team is having a meeting with the boss to review our objectives for this year. Before the meeting started, we were waiting for one of our members to arrive, and somehow the discussion veered into what everyone's cholesterol was.

I've kept mine under 200 for the past 6-7 years, but I was surprised when one of my co-workers said hers was 240. Here's the rub, she's a 5'5" Vietnamese girl who weighs probably 105 lbs soaking wet. 240. All she does is eat fruit all day. It just didn't make much sense, but just surprised me. (It's most likely genetics for her).

Anyways, the conversation veered into body scans. There are companies out there that offer full-body scans that are non-evasive. We went from artery scans to to virtual colonscopies. Ugggghhh... A colonoscopy is not something I've ever experienced, but know many who have and the thought of drinking the "Go Juice" the day / night before and camping out on the shitter really doesn't appeal to me. Neither does the thought of a Sigmoidascope penetrating me.

Well, me being the smart-ass, asked if they did virtual prostrate exams. The women chuckled, and I said "Hey, anything to keep the Finger at bay!" at which point everyone laughed and I realized that I had just dropped the conversation down into the gutter, or pretty damn close.

We veered back to colonoscopies and talk of Go Juice, and the conversation raised out of the gutter but not much, as talks about Go Juice and toilets go hand-in-hand.

Fast forward to the next day. It's time for my beginning of the year physical with my doctor. I've got a great doctor who covers all the bases, and sits there and talks to you. He isn't someone who just tries to get people in and out.

So, we review my past history, surgeries, illnesses, etc... Then, he pulls up my family history. It's blank. I imagine he's thinking "WTF?" All the records are on a computer, and my family history is blank.

So, he decides now is as good as time as any to review family history. Dad, heart disease, and all the other diseases that go with it. Mom, Colon Cancer. Grandmother, Ovarian Cancer.

That piqued his interest. Especially since I'm constantly asking him at what age should I be getting checked for various things (Prostrate, Colon, Heart).

He asks when my mother had cancer. I said a few years ago... Mid 60s I think. Hrmmmm.... he's thinking. He informs me that the standard guidelines for checking for colon cancer are around the age of 50. If you have a family history of it, then you subtract 10 years from when your family member got it, and get it checked then.

BUT. He thinks that with my history of diabetes and my family history, that I should have it done now. And he doesn't mean virtually.

Karma is a bitch. I joke about the finger, and I'm going to get the scope.

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Someone mentioned in comments about my Gym Observations that they thought I might be Homophobic.

Ummm... No. I could care less about what people do with their sex lives or how they live them, as long as it doesn't include me.

I know at a locker room will have naked men it. I'm not there to gaze and admire however. My issue is the ones walking around buck-ass naked or sitting buck ass naked in my personal space, when there is plenty of space around. I'm just saying, have some couth. Where a towel.

I don't have a "complex" nor do I have a fixation with other men's genitals. The only fixation with anyone's junk, is my own.

My only purpose in these posts is to offer somewhat "off-color" and maybe humorous stories for the masses. If you have ever read my earlier blogs, you'd probably think I was fixated with shitting in the bathroom. Or, masturbating while wearing a snorkel mask and fins. No and no.

Don't read my stories and then psychoanalyze me, and think that you know me.

My stories do not represent who I am.

They are just observations of things I've seen.