When I say handjob, I'm not talking about plastic surgery.

I’ve been reading a book about operations improvement. Empower your resource. Empower your work force, inspire people. I feel I have been trained to focus on the dollars, which are the end result. Unless you are in tune with the entire process, you will not be able to improve your system. I also have become aware of my relationship with my boss. I want a mentor and a teacher, a guide not a father figure. The whole presumption that I do this task because my boss orders me to do it no longer motivates me. I motivate myself and I alone am responsible for moving my hands and completing tasks. I don’t think that anyone is all that different, I was hired to do a task and I’m not holding out because I am lazy. I’m my own person, not some mindless robot that blurts out beeps and blots. I just want to know what is expected of me, I want the appropriate training and resources to operate in an efficient manner. If I don’t get what I need, I ask for it. I am tired of being ignored. I am tired of being grumbled at. I am tired of being in a role that is not defined. I am tired of receiving no training. I cannot do the best I can for my company if I am not given what I need. I am left saddened. I am left depressed. I feel trivialized. I feel ignored. I feel taken for granted. There is no investment in me and I feel that the longer I say here the more my career is put in a neutral gear maybe in reverse.

I am frustrated because I am right below the top and while I speak frankly I am ignored. We are a reactive institution. The company is doing very well, but I am not. I just can’t get them to understand me and what I want. They will not change, even as the market and the world is rapidly changing about them. I was going to write something weird and funny this morning but this is all I think about right now so this is all I got.

I did think this morning though, that I would not want to squirt toothpaste up my ass.