thoughts on blankets
sure you’ve all seen the infomercials about the “product” called Snuggies… Really? I honestly can’t remember a time when the use of blankets became too difficult. I think the real problem is that traditional blankets lack instructions. For the “Holy Shit! My coffee is REALLY hot!” group of people. Instructions are as follows:
1. Remove blanket from storage.
2. Check blanket for “freshness”
3. Unfold blanket.
4. Spread evenly over yourself, a loved one, or the recently deceased.
5. Enjoy the benefits of heat trapped inside a non-air-circulating environment.
Do NOT eat the blanket! Use only with Adult supervision. Warranty void where prohibited. Use of “Blanket” is not intended to replace actual warmth. If persistent “coldness” remains for more than 2 hours, consult a physician immediately.
Now if they invented a blanket that sent a mild electric shock to my wife whenever she attempted to steal the blanket in the dead of night, then I’d be all for that. There have been times when I woke up devoid of both blanket and pillow. That’s just not right.
It’s like the makers of Snuggies were all set to ship out REAL blankets when 500,000 irregular bath robes showed up instead. What to do in this situation? A call went out to the countries top 20 commercial consultants: “Help us! We have 500,000 fleece robes! What do we do?” Then Stevenson in accounting came up with a brilliant idea: These aren’t robes, they’re Blankets With Sleeves (TM Snuggies CORP. 2008-2009)!
And what troubles me the most is that people are buying these things. There are imitation Snuggies on the market! I get that some tasks can be complicated by a “traditional blanket” but come on! Look at video game controllers today. Unless you’re playing the Wii, you can just use the controller UNDER the blanket because they are cordless and don’t require dramatic arm flailing. Unless you’re getting your ass handed to you by a loud mouthed 12 year old that is. Then the controller may need to be hurled at the floor, the TV, or should you be playing split-screen in the same room: the loud mouthed 12 year old himself. It should be noted that the increase in body temperature associated with strong emotions such as anger would negate the need for a blanket anyway.
If you own a Snuggie, I’m not really dogging you. It’s an interesting concept that is marketed stupidly. Sell it as a blanket with sleeves and not as life-altering as sliced bread or an automobile. I don’t live in a cold environment (Houston, TX) and I refuse to allow the heat to even be mentioned being turned on since our summer electric bills are so high. I was raised in PA though, and am no stranger to cold winters. I never once lamented my misfortune that a blanket with sleeves had not yet been invented.
I really can’t wait until Wal-mart can sell them in stores though. Then they will show up in stores down here and people will buy them because a “cold” front will blow through and drop the temperature to a brisk 65 degrees. (I am bitter that Houston has but the one season, with a brief 2 week hiatus for winter.)
Additionally: I’ve read an article in Game Informer about the upcoming Section 8, and am intrigued. Also their article on Singularity is also interesting. I have decided that the DS is the champion of portable RPGS. I own both a DS and a PSP and I haven’t touched the PSP in months. I do like that I can log into the PS3 remotely and use the Eye camera to spot check my apartment from miles away via wifi.