Things I've Learned Living in Texas

1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas.

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in Texas, plus a couple no one's seen before.

4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

5. "Onced" and "Twiced" are words.

6. It is not a shopping cart... it's a buggy.

7. "Jaw-P?" means "Did y'all go to the bathroom?"

8. People actually grow and eat okra.

9. "Fixinto" is one word.

10. There is no such thing as "lunch." There is only breakfast, dinner, and then there is supper.

11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two.

12. Backwards and forwards means "I know everything about you."

13. The word "Jeet" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

14. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.

16. "No. Jew?" is a common response to the question "Jeet?"
        

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM TEXAS IF:

1. You measure distance in minutes.

2. You've ever had to switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

3. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

4. You know what the University is.

5. You carry jumper cables in your car ... For your OWN car.

6. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete, Tabasco and Ketchup.

7. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local  gossip and motorsports.  or wrecks--maybe that's motorsports!

8. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

9. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a bit warm."

10. You know all four seasons:   Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and Christmas.

11. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as goin' Wal-Martin" or "off to Wally World" or off to "Wal-Mart's".

12. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.

13. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

14. We don't need no dang driver's ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive, dag-nabbit.

15. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Texas friends and those who just wish they were from Texas .