The Daily Roundup

Specter: Gonzales has some explaining to do
I’m imagining Arlen saying this in a Ricky Ricardo voice: “Alberto! Tchou got some splainin to do!”

 Guard accused in failed hit on Iraq deputy PM
Guard purportedly asked Deputy PM “Do you come to this bunker often?” Tried to buy her a falafel, but got burka-blocked by al-Maliki.

 
Florida foreclosures lead nation
Also leads nation in salsa-dancing, screwed up election ballots, and per capita purchases of adult diapers.

Famed brothel Mustang Ranch burns
Clever fireman shouts out as the building erupts into flames, “It burns when I pee!”

 
Protect your children from online predators

Suggest buying them online Aliens…they hate predators.

 
Prediction for this allergy season elusive

No it’s not, it’s right here!

 
College students to pay more for birth control pills

Why are they so expensive? Because they’re worth it!

 
Woman faces death for antifreeze murder

That’s just cold.

 
Surveyor finds 8 skeletons in Florida

I got a theory on this one: It was a baseball team, and the catcher did it!

 
NASA developing new space duds
Garments include crotchless space suits for all that nutty astronaut sex. Provides easy access to the “Zero-G-spot.”

 
Pungent pulp: Panda poop perfect for paper

What a shitty idea.

 
Straight talk makes McCain's staff 'insane'
I kind of figured that gay-talk would upset his power base. Huh…shows what I know.