Signs Your SUV is to Big

Your kids refer to riding the bus to school as “downsizing”

Before you go out, you have to file for a parade permit

It has its own gravitational field and has drawn a Geo Metro into its orbit

There are two successful Starbucks franchises located in the back seat

It doubles as a garage for your Taurus

It’s great for soccer moms, since the back seat folds down into an entire field, complete with goals

You need a Sherpa and an oxygen tank to reach the driver’s seat

Your buddy, riding shotgun, is in a different time zone

When you pull up to the pharmacy window, they already have the package of extra small condoms bagged and read to go

You get a letter from Hans Blix demanding that it be dismantled immediately

Due to new military intel that has narrowed the search down to the inside of your vehicles, President Bush remains confident that Osama Bin Laden will someday be found

The fuel gauge doubles as a fan