Random and Offensive
I was feeling a bit depressed the other day, so I called Lifeline. Like everything else in this country, it had been outsourced and I was put through to a call center in Pakistan. I explained that I was feeling suicidal. They were very excited at this news and wanted to know if I could drive a truck.
A new survey found that the country with the highest number of contented citizens in the world is Mexico.
Apparently, this is because everybody who was unhappy in Mexico has moved to Los Angeles.
Q. What's the difference between the Atlantic Coast and Britney Spears?
A. The Atlantic Coast could never have that many crabs.
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Q. What goes 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAA'?
A. A sheep with no lips.
Q. Why is there always hot water at childbirth?
A. Stillbirth soup.
Q. Whats Pink and Smelly and sticks out of your pants?
A. Your feet
Q. What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your pants?
A. Your mother.
Q. What do you call a fish with three eyes?
A. Fiiish.
Q. What do fat chicks do in the summer?
A. Stink.
A man comes home very early from work one day to what was seemingly an empty house until he heard giggling from upstairs. He ran upstairs and burst into the marital bedroom to see his wife under the duvet, and the milkman bending over with his trousers around his ankles. The husband stared at his wife in shock, but then glared threateningly at the milkman. The milkman looked at the husband, then turning his attention quickly to the wife, said, "Mrs Jones, I swear if you don't pay your bill next month I really will shit on your carpet."
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