NO it is not that time of the month
I usually hate the email SPAM I get but I found this one worth sharing. And thank you, thank you, thank you to whoever wrote this and put into words what I have always felt!
Dear Kotex:
I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a
bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it.
Annoying advice such as:
Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling
fresh. Try Kotex blah blah blah other products...
Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never
possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a
menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh..
Like we need more fluid inside our bloated bodies from hell. But go ahead...I triple-dog-dare-ya...See what happens and report back.
I'll wait.
While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the
chocolate from the vending machine. I garan-tee that the first
responders will be females who just ovulated.
Staying active will relieve headaches & cramps...well guess what, the
only activities that interests me is eating..sleeping..bitching or
crying for no apparent reason. ...and oh...does ripping someone's head
off count as an activity?????
Look, females don't need or want tips for living on their feminine
hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap
like that from elderly relatives. Veteran females have already
concocted their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol & barbituates.
Printing out crap advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that was
already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and is
enough to send a girl running to the Always brand.
It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley
faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or
the packaging. Put the crap in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it
in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer.
There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package
announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. Why don't ya
just add an in-store microphone to the damn package & announce
that...helloooo, another female in the store is on the rag!!!!!
So take your tips for living and your cute bunnies & the smiley faces
and shove them right up your a$$.
PS How about adding a free sample of Pamprin & maybe a shot of Bourbon
to your packages instead!!!