Just checking in at CNN.com
Suspect confesses to killing, dismembering wife
When he criticized her cooking, she’d just go to pieces.
Computer giants boost e-waste programs
Something must be done about computer poop!
Obesity surgery triples among U.S. teens
2fat2play? Put the cookie down, you tubby pile of goo!
Thai government seizes TV station
I guess Thai Idol is officially in limbo.
Women forced to be sex slaves get no apology
Unforgivable gap revealed in Hallmark product portfolio where the "I'm sorry I enslaved you into sexual servitude" cards should be.
Report: Bird flu from south China
Would you like yours served Hunan or Mandarin style? Either way, whenever I catch Chinese bird flu, I find myself wanting another communicable disease an hour later.
Shuttle back in hangar for repairs
Actually, it’s having a mirrored ceiling installed to enhance all that nutty astronaut sex.
Professors, students are neighbors in some dorms
Pot-dealers rejoice at saved travel time. Cite rising gas costs.
A meditation on Britney: What made her SO mad?
I’m guessing it has something to with having a sweaty Kevin Federline wriggling and moaning pathetically on top her. That would piss ME off quite a bit.
Down South, candidates have a drawl, y'all
And in New Jersey, they have a “Who you fuckin’ lookin at?” swagger.
NASA: No money to track killer asteroids
Well, maybe if they weren’t spending all their scratch on mirrored shuttle ceilings they'd have two billion-dollar coins to rub together.